Month: January 2014

I Got Skills

/ Absidity Art / 3 Comments

Today’s post asks us if we could choose to be a master of any skill in the world, which skill would be pick?

I’d pick to be a Master Painter – I can see visions in my head, I can imagine the artworks I’d like to create, but I can’t get them out the way a skilled artist can.

Maybe you’re wondering what with me always writing about wanting to improve my writing why didn’t I go down that root for my master skill fix. But no, I’m confident that with A LOT of HARD WORK I can get myself to point where I’m happy with my writing.

There is no way I’ll ever be a great artist, I don’t have any skills to work with, none whatsoever, but that’s ok I can admire the world’s finest instead.

So yes my Magic Master Skill Fix, would be to be the most awesome painter the world has ever seen mwahahahahahahahaha oh wait that would mean I’ll end up insane and an alcoholic by forty and dead by forty five. Hmmmm So maybe I’d settle to just be a really good artist instead!

365daysofprompts  Post 22/365 (missed 4)

Sweet Sixteen

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Today’s post asks us, when we were 16 what did we think our lives would look like? Does it look the way we imagined? And is that a good thing?

When I was sixteen my plan was to work till I was twenty saving enough money to get to Scotland, work there for a couple of years while exploring that part of the globe, come back and travel around Australia, then once I was about 25 go back home to the town I grew up in, open my own business and start to plan out the rest of my life.

My life to this point has been absolutely nothing like I wanted it to be, complete opposite. When I was sixteen I never intended to get married or have kids, I hated the idea of being so held down, I wanted to be free forever! I don’t feel like I get to have fun anymore and at sixteen all I was concerned with was having fun.

Sometimes I feel that my life has been a complete waste and all I’ve done is fuck one thing up after another.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being crushed by all the things I can’t do.

I feel like the real me is trapped inside. I feel like I live my life for everyone else and never for me.

And I long to have my dreams become a reality, but the older I get the less chance that they will ever come true.

I’ve always been a depressive person, all creative people are. But when I was younger I could look forward to the future, I had a plan to make myself happy and lead a fulfilling life, a plan I failed to follow through. Maybe once my sons an adult and out of the house I can stop pretending I’m a good person for his sake. I’ll probably be so angry and burnt out by that point (if I keep going the way I am) that I’ll just spend the remainder of my days stoned trying not to think about the fact I fucked up and missed my chance.

Now I Love my son and wouldn’t give him up for the world, but I wish my life leading up to him had been different. And I know I can do things to change my life and that nothing is set in stone, but having a child takes away freedom, because you always have someone else to think about. I can’t quit my job and run over seas with a kid, first up I’d get done with kidnapping for taking my son away from his father. Secondly I can’t even think about the financial insecurities of trying to change my non-existent career at this point. And third unfortunately I was raised to be responsible and compassionate so I can’t just burn everybody around me to get the things I want.

I’m getting off the point here: When I was 16 I thought my life would be filled with fun and adventure and I’d make my mark on the world. My current life doesn’t look anything like what I had imagined and wanted for myself and that’s a very bad thing because when I dwell on it (which I try not to) it makes my blood boil and my soul turn black.

365daysofprompts    Post 21/365 (missed 4)

Apply Yourself

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Apply Yourself, haha, Ok Sarah sit down and write this post, you’ve been avoiding it by doing fun Riley related posts – Commit Damn it!!!

Today’s post asks to describe our last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to us.

FAR OUT! I don’t know when to start. Nothing really has ever come easy to me ‘’education’’ wise. Truth be told, I stuffed around at school!! Never gave a rats ass or really applied myself – AND I regret It majorly now!!! I still don’t know my times tables, can’t read an analogue watch or spell very well and my grammar skills suck – But I can recite nearly all the song lyrics in my mass collection of music. I’m going to learn how to tell the time and my times tables when I have to teach those things to Riley, We’ll learn together – I Hope – NO I WILL learn them, because I won’t be able to put it off any longer, I’ll have no choice, Riley can’t think he has a dumbass for a mother.

When I left school and got a Job/Traineeship I completed three administration type TAFE certificates at TAFE. I tried harder at TAFE because it was important for my Job and I was older and cared a little bit more. Later on I attempted to do the next level, a diploma by OTEN distance education. There was a five year or so gap when I hadn’t been doing any kind of study and I just couldn’t seem to pick it back up again, not sitting in my own home, with my short attention span and it was boring.

I tried again after that to do a creative writing course by correspondence. I thought maybe enjoying the topic might make it easier, but ended up pregnant for most of it, and I never managed to complete it!

So I failed twice at long distance education, it’s not for me, I need a classroom set up to learn at my optimum.

The nuts and bolts of being a Mother I found came easy, Feed Baby, Wash Baby, Change Baby, Love Baby and Play with Baby. I read a bunch of educational pregnancy and baby books while I was pregnant, but all that really ended up doing was overwhelming me and stressing me out. As of yet haven’t been able to learn how to manage all the new shit in my life with all the old shit and that causes me quite a bit of trouble.

I am stressed trying to write this post, I’m getting angry because on this topic words do not flow easy for me, I wonder if it shows in the writing. Riley is asking for my attention by slapping the keyboard whenever I try and type, so I’m going to go play and this will have to do for the day!

365daysofprompts Post 19 of 365 (missed 4)

 

This Kid!!

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So I’m sitting on the lounge, Riley’s playing happily and we get a knock at the door. I go and answer the door, it’s just some people picking up some of Riley’s things I’m giving away that he doesn’t need anymore. As I’m walking back into the living room Riley is staring me down, he continues to death stare me until I sit back on the lounge. Once I’m sitting down he goes back to playing happily. WTF! Mate, aren’t I ever aloud to leave the lounge – OK 🙂 Riley U convince your dad then.

Shining your light!

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Sad but true – I find it easier to share my writing with strangers rather than family!

yellowlancer's avatarPositive Words Magazine

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Sadly, this week I had news of another subscriber who has passed away. A wonderful lady who will be sadly missed by her family and I know I will miss her cheery letters as well as her submissions.

A member of her family rang to tell me and told me how surprised they’d been to find a hundred or more poems she’d written as well as copies of Positive Words. They didn’t know she’d been writing. I am sure they will enjoy reading them all but, sadly, won’t be able to tell her how much they enjoy them or how proud they are of her.

Many writers tell me their families are not interested in their work (some even quite scornful!!) and others keep their writing a secret thinking it’s not important.

Shine your light! Some will scorn but others will be amazed at your talent 🙂

 

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Riley

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A Poem to My Son.

The stars up above are shining bright, I will stay close by you till its light.

Though the daylight may lead me away, I’ll always come back, love works that way.

While you lay still and dream your dreams, Loves all around you, I’ll always be on your team.

How much I love, you’ll never know, but each and every day I’ll try to show.

A big strong boy into whom you shall grow, a long happy life you shall know.

Friends and adventures, you’ll have more than a few, awesomeness inside you I grew.

You’ll love Kittens, Rats, Puppies and Quails, in fact all animals, even the ones without a tail.

Trains, Planes, Cars and 4WD’s, you’ll use them all to travel wide.

No matter how far Riley you roam from home, you’ll always have love around you wherever you go.

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Family

/ Absidity Art / 3 Comments

Even though i’m an only child, if you add up all my Aunties, Uncles and Cousins I have a fairly large family, but for this weeks photos i decided to go with a series of recent shots i took of My Dad, My Son & My Grandfather.

These photos were taken in one of my Grandfather’s bird aviaries (Both my Father and Grandfather breed Zebra Finches). This was the first time Riley had met his Great Grandfather as the last time i saw him i was still pregnant. It was Norm’s 87th birthday!! Riley wouldn’t cooperate in the photos and give me a smile, but they all seemed pretty impressed with each other :-).

Poppie1Poppie2poppie3

Way out of bounds

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I trusted you

You let me down

You hit one

Way out of bounds

 

My life, she fell apart

Split right through my heart

I can’t keep arguing with myself

Need to hate

Hate someone else

 

I trusted you

You let me down

You hit me

And knocked me to the ground

 

I can still hear you in my head

I can still feel you in my bed

To think of you hurts my brain

I’m think I’m going to go insane

 

I trusted you

You let me down

You hit one

Way out of bounds

 

 

 

 

I Love the Creek of Flowers

/ Absidity Art / 2 Comments

Free Association

Today’s Post asks us to write down the first words that come to mind when we hear – Home: Creek – Soil: Flowers – Rain: Love

It asks us to use these words in the title of our post.

So you say HOME, I say CREEK; I grew up next to Stoney Creek. Its bottoms not stoney these days, it’s all covered in muck, but my mother remembers swimming in it as a child when the water was a lot cleaner and the block of land she now lives on belonged to her grandmother. Really brave people still swim in it. My dad paddles it frequently in his kayak. Even though if it’s not in the best shape these days, it still is beautiful with some shrubbery still along its banks. I have many fond memories that where made along its banks and the sight of it resembles home in my mind nearly as much as my Mum and Dads house.

You say SOIL, I say FLOWERS; well I think the connection here is rather obvious. I love flowers and gardening, I’m not all that good at and don’t have much time or space these days for it. Whenever I’m out and about I always find myself looking at and admiring other people’s gardens. Maybe one day I’ll have a place where I can create my dream Garden.

You say RAIN, I say LOVE; I love rain! I love it when it rains. I love when it’s raining so hard at work you can’t hear anything over the roar from the tin workshop roof. I used to love it when it rained as I was walking home from school, I always walked slower when it was raining, made sure I got wet to the bone (yes my school bag was water proof, stress less) Swimming when it raining or there is a storm, I’m not quite sure that it’s very safe, but it’s awesome sensory fun. I always sleep better if it’s raining hard or there is a storm. At night I play rain and thunderstorm ambient music to help me sleep. A lot of my child hood memories of camping with my family it was raining and there was always MUD to be played in.

365daysofprompts  Post 18/365 (missed 4)