Life: POEM

my brain likes to block me

and stop me

from sharing my truths

yes, it stems from self-preservation

but letting myself free

is long overdue

i have been living a life defined by an outdated patriarchy

it has drained my spark and left me descending darkly

i want to be the person i see in my head

not this sickly mass of fear and anger instead

i say yes, but my heart and soul scream no

my whole life feels like a lie and that is no way to go

I push it all down like many times before

even though i know it will come bubbling and boiling back up stronger than before

Just popped on today to share another little something I wrote while doing some solo reflection. Also thought I’d share a few more nature photos I took, these ones were from a recent walk with an old school friend.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

Fractured: POEM

i woke up this morning feeling fractured

my brain sore like it’s bruised and battered

my thoughts all dodging this way and then that way in a scatter


i want to run and hide from all the chatter and clatter

my thoughts fighting to make it to the top of my mental ladder

they get to the top

flip me off

then fall back into the darkness and shatter

and every morning i wake up and feel my face for the fractures

Just popped on today to share another little something I wrote (early this morning before anyone else was up). Also thought I’d share a photo I then took later on today while out on a walk.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

When I Ask Why: POEM

when I ask why
the only reply
is break the chain
because once society is slain
all the remains
can reconfigure its brain

rectify this mess
because to be alive on this earth
means we are blessed

turn off the news
put on your shoes
go walk with the trees
go talk with the bees

understand the world is not yours
get down on your knees
thank the mother sun
from once we come

rectify this mess
because to be alive on this earth
means we are blessed

your life is not yours
we are all part of the cycle

all of this anger
all of this hate
give it away
because it’s almost too late

when I ask why
the only reply
is break the chain
because once society is slain
all the remains
can reconfigure its brain

Just popped on today to share a little something I wrote while on a walk and a few nature pics.

Thanks for visiting Sarah Says. I hope wherever you are you are healthy and safe.

It’s been awhile: Life Update

It’s been awhile since I posted here (March to be exact), but I woke up this morning with the need to say hello – so here I go with a little life update.

I’ve always identified more with men than women, something I’ve tried to suppress for many years. But this suppression has caused me to have a major disconnect from my body and I’m sick of it. I want to be able to accept and love myself for all of myself and I have begun to. It has now come to a point where I cannot continue to heal and grow in the shadows. So, from this point forward I am going to attempt to show the world all the parts of me.

I started an Instagram and TikTok accounts using a pseudonym to allow myself the safeness of a secret place to be able to get past the block in my brain and start to share parts of myself, whether that’s my art or when I was in the middle of a gender dysphoria breakdown. But I am now realising it doesn’t help if I’m not sharing these parts of me with the ones I love.

I’ve fort against myself when it comes to my name, as the one I was given at birth, beautiful as it is, is feminine and most of the time I feel I am not. I’ve played around with the idea of changing my name but can’t quite stomach it. I’ve now realised that the name is not the issue, it’s the way I was presenting myself that felt unnatural to me.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, talking to doctors, taking their meds, taking up new hobbies that get me back out in nature and free that little kid I suppressed when I was that little kid. I am actively trying to drop my mask when I am in safe settings, I am actively working towards better physical and mental health. And I will bounce back bigger and better than ever as my whole self, but I know it will take time.

I am in the process of completely rearranging my life. The father of my children and I have admirably separated, and the kids and I have moved in with my parents. I am finishing up my job at my family’s automotive workshop soon and am enrolled at university for next year – so lots of big things changing and lots a big new adventures to be had.

If you are interested in the Art and self-expression I have started posting on Instagram and Tik Tok (totally not going to be offended if you’re not) you can find me at @absidityart – but be warned, I have no intention of censoring myself there, because it is my own censoring of myself that has made me feel lost, unloved, and alone. While I’ve suffered silently and internally most of my adult life, I suffer no more, because I am accepting all of me, and I know with time I will be able to grow to love all of me, because I now know I am worthy of love – Yay! Progress!

So, HI *waves enthusiastically while half hiding behind a tree because being authentic is scary* I’m Sarah, a Queer Neurodivergent nature and art loving creature, with a passion for supporting the underdog, drag queens, sci-fi, small fluffy critters, and learning all I can about the natural world around me. I’m anti boxes made by society and think gender roles are the biggest load of shit that’s ever been rammed down my throat. Going forward my preferred pronouns are they/he – but I’m not going to get mad at you if you say she, because I understand that’s the conditioning society forced on you. The fear that comes with expecting most of the people in my life to not understand is what has held me back, but I now realise I need to give them and you reading this the benefit of the doubt and if they and you can’t come to terms with it that is not my fault.

ANYWAYS, I’m logging off again now, but will be to be more active in the future If the mood strikes.

I wish whomever is reading this love and happiness. Stay Safe.

Regards,

Sarah.