You may or may not have noticed that my blog themed changed. After five years I felt like something new. After five years I am not the same person I was when I started The Adventures of SacaKat. So, here we have a new theme and a new name, Sarah Says. But it’s still just me stuffing around on the internet. And this blog will continue to grow as I grow, change as I change, just as it has for the last five and a half years.
At thirty-two I decided I was getting too old too quick to give a shit. I decided that 2019 was going to be the year I did the things I’ve always wanted to but haven’t out of fear. GRAB A CUPPA this post is a long one.
A few months ago, I bleached my hair and dyed it bright pink, because I’ve always wanted hot pink hair but never has the guts to do it. And I intend to keep it pink. BOOM!
I recently entered a piece I wrote about my late grandmother in the Newcastle grieve competition. I’ve always psyched myself out of entering my poems and writing into anything. But I did it (It’ll be months before I know the outcome of that). BOOM!
While volunteering on the Friday of the Newcastle Writers Festival (early April) I wore makeup. I was self-conscious about it the whole time. Kept looking the mirror to check how It was looking and cringing. When I got home that night, I decided I wasn’t going to wear makeup on my next shift. I don’t wear makeup to work. My current social profile is me with no makeup and no filters (still is). I thought, why am I doing this to myself. I went back without makeup and felt better for it. I wasn’t worried about how my makeup looked or how it was holding up. I knew that when someone looked at me, they were seeing me. It was their problem if they didn’t like what they were seeing, not mine. BOOM!
Now don’t get me wrong. I love watching the amazing makeup transformations people do on YouTube. I love looking at IG models and Queens in full glamour makeup. But I suck at. I suck at doing makeup and it always adds this extra layer of anxiety. I always think I end up looking worse when I put it on. The only time I bother to try and do it is when I’m going somewhere and I feel like people would expect a woman to wear makeup, you know, dinner at a restaurant, drinks at the pub etc. But I serve customers five days a week sans-makeup. So why the fuck am I putting it on to volunteer at a writer’s festival. Yes, plenty of the other female volunteers had make up on, but not one of them looked at me judgmentally because I didn’t, just as I didn’t look at them judgmentally because they did. I didn’t wear makeup to my cousins’ concert in Sydney (Late April). Shout out to The Beautiful Monument. And I didn’t wear makeup to the Sydney Writers Festival a fortnight ago. The world kept spinning and I felt fine. BOOM!
I still feel that my sexuality is nobody business but mine, my husbands and a few of my close friends who I choose to share it with. I think that a persons sexually and gender doesn’t make them anymore or any less than anybody else, so it shouldn’t matter! But to raise awareness, and to try and make life easier for the next generation, I will be open about it. I will say that I identify as Queer. Queer being the umbrella term used for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual or cisgender. I am a Cis woman. I was lucky enough to be born in a female body and identify as female. When I was younger the only options sexually appeared to be straight or gay. Bisexual didn’t exist, you were just promiscuous and/or slutty and kissing your females friends was just something you did when you were all bored or drunk. Shove your Biphobia, I’m too old to care. BOOM!
I will say that I got married too young. I was twenty and I was trying to fill the void in my soul. Turns out the only way to do that is through loving yourself, not others – TRUE THAT.
I married a man because it was what was expected of me and because it was easier (at the time). But that turned out okay. He knows me and loves me (and he’s seen the darkest ugliest parts of me). With that man I have two devil children, oops I mean adorable children, who I would destroy the world for.
To all you youngsters I say:
Fuck doing what is expected of you, if doesn’t feel right, RUN.
Adulthood and responsibilities are a one-way door, don’t open them until you are at least sure of who you want to be.
Never try to be something you are not to impress someone, or to make someone other than yourself happy – It’ll all turn to shit in the end.
I am old and wise. Listen to mother.
Thanks for visiting sarahfairbairn.com
I wonder how many followers this post will lose me hahahahaha