Comedy of Errors

Comedy of Errors – Post 55 of 365 writing post prompts 2014 (M29)

Murphy’s Law says, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Today’s post asks us to write about a time when everything did go wrong (Fiction Encouraged).

Once upon a time

In a land not far away

I was supposed to get married

To a bloke named Murphy

Oh yay!

But on the day there was a massive storm

And by the time I made it to the chapel

The wind had blown the roof away

And turned the chapel to rubble

We made it to a replacement

A little country chapel on a hill

And as we were about to say the words

There came another wicked rumbling still

We were trampled by herds

The cows came charging in

And carried Murphy off

After all this I was rather cross

My beautiful white dress was soaked right through

And when I thought it couldn’t get worse

I tripped and fell in cow poo

I made my way home

And a few days later

A call came from Murphy

The cows had carried him half way round Australia

He said he wanted to try again

I told him there was no way the cows had killed all the men that were going to cater

No Yay!

I was sad and solemn as I hung up the phone

All I wanted was a man with which I could create a nice little home

So I went down the street

And who did I happen to meet

A man named bob

He was rather drunk on grog

And he agreed to marry me right there

We ran off and eloped

Bob was better than I had hopped

But every now and then I miss Murphy

Maybe I should have married that man

Oh well it’s too late now

I still cry every time I see a cow

Weekly Writing Challenge: Object

As I look around my desk trying to decide on an object I pick up my thermos and have a drink.

My Thermos. I love my Thermos, so why not talk about it. It’s a shiny midnight blue steel 750 ml container – so it’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s functional. I was told when I bought it that it would give me 12 of heat and 24 hours of cold retention. I bought my thermos late last year at a 4wd, Fishing and Camping Expo that my husband, my baby son and I attended. There were a great number of things I would have liked to have purchased at that expo, but I was a good girl and only came away with the thermos (my husband did buy a bunch of other camping equipment).

I learnt the hard way with heat. I made a cup of coffee, poured it into my thermos and took it to work. After about two hours I gave up and tipped it into a regular mug so it would cool down enough so I could drink it. Now if I choose to put coffee in it I make it drinking temperature. Mainly though I just use my thermos as a drink bottle. I rarely manage to drink as much water as I should, but with the water being kept cold I end up drinking more, Yay!

Now just for fun – An ode to my Thermos:

Oh Thermos all shiny and blue

You keep my water cold

How much I love you

Your stainless steel construction

Makes you nice and tough

Which is a good thing because I’m careless

And your life is pretty rough

I fill you up with cold water

And toss you in the car

You bounce and roll all over the place

And it leaves not a dent or a scar

Oh my gosh your awesome

Oh how much I love you

I am so fortunate to have bought you

thermos

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/24/writing-challenge-object/

Buffalo Nickel

Today’s Post entitled Buffalo Nickel asks us to dig through our couch cushions, purse or the floor of our car and look at the year printed on the first coin we find, and then write about what we were doing that year.

Hahahaha well the first coin I pulled out of my wallet was a twenty cent piece from 1967.

I wasn’t born in 1967; in fact my mother was only 9 years old and would have still been attending Toronto Primary School. My mother, my Aunt Sharon and my Grandparents would have only recently moved from their small flat in Victory parade above the Workshop that was owned by my great grandfather at the time, to their first real family home, which is where my grandparents still live in Carey Bay. So 1967 was probably a very good year for my mother.

My father, well he would have been 9 years old also, but I’ve never heard any particular stories about that year. Most of his childhood stories are along the line of catching snakes in the bush. He tells stories of getting bitten and getting sick, stories of putting the captured snakes in his dad’s bird cages, then getting in trouble when all his dads birds started to disappear, but none of the stories have a date.

So I thought I’d see that was happening in Australia in 1967 – Here are the things I found interesting:

On the 7th February Massive bushfires devastate much of the Tasmanian capital of Hobart and surrounding areas. Well nothing much has changed there we are and will always be a country ravaged by fire.

On the 1st March the Royal Australian Navy replaced the British White Ensign flag on all its ships with the Australian White Ensign. Woo Hoo we’re Aussie and proud.

On the 4th April the Australian government announces it will not ban the oral contraceptive pill, maintaining that the risk of thrombosis is “very slight”. THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!

On the 27th May Indigenous Australians are given the right to be counted in the national census after a national referendum and legislation changing citizenship laws. IT’S ABOUT BLOODY TIME!!!!!

On the 1st July the postcode system of postal address coding is introduced throughout Australia. Wow I’d never thought of a time when it didn’t exist! How on earth did they get the mail to the right people?

On the 1st August Qantas Airways drops the word ‘Empire’ from its name.

On the 1st October the NSW National Parks & Wildlife Service is established.

DRAMA!! Our Prime Minister was Harold Holt in 1967 until 19th December, when Holt disappears while swimming in heavy surf at Cheviot Beach in Victoria. Following the disappearance of Holt, Country Party leader John McEwen is sworn in as interim Prime Minister pending the election of a new government leader by the Coalition parties. BUT 20th December John McEwen announced he will not serve in a government led by Liberal Party deputy leader William McMahon, Harold Holt’s presumed successor, triggering a leadership crisis for the Coalition.

AND the most important thing that happened in 1967 and my ‘Tory’ loving daddy will agree: General Motors Holden exports its 100,000th car and launches its first compact sedan, the Torana! Yeah Baby!!!

Post 52 of 365 Writing Prompts 2014 (M29)

My Mind The Menace Compendium

I was working on my “My Mind The Menace” compendium for publication yesterday, getting the poems in some sort of order and self doubt crept in and I started telling myself I was wasting my time and nobody would like them anyway. I told myself NO you like them so in this world there has to be someone else who will. I’ve freaked myself a bit reading back over them at how raw and truthful some of them are, I’m praying that the fear I’m feeling from not censoring myself won’t be for nothing.

What Book?

What book should I read next?
I’ve got sooooo many on my ‘to read’ list that I can’t choose!
World uttering decision trying to be made here people!
I’ve still got the biggest book hangover from the last book I read (Take me to your reader – see my last book review in the ‘Books I’ve read recently’ section) It was so wonderful I can’t move on.
I think I’m going to have to close my eyes, spin around and point at a book.

Take Me To Your Reader: An Otherworld Anthology

Goodreads Synopsis: Eight Bestselling Authors Come Together To Bring You An Out Of This World Collection…

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20769049-take-me-to-your-reader?from_search=true

The two most powerful questions in the universe are “What if” and “Why not.” The best-selling and talented authors who contributed to “Take Me To Your Reader” let those questions guide them when they composed these original and never-before-published stories that combine the most exquisite parts of science fiction and romance. Escape to new worlds of adventure, bravery and love.

Inspired by the #utopYA2014 writer’s conference theme “aliens and outerspace,” these eight authors and friends combined their extraordinary talents to help support the conference that was created to support established and aspiring writers, bloggers, designers, and other publishing industry experts. Proceeds from the book will fund utopYA’s mission efforts of collaboration, education and inspiration.

My Thoughts: I found this book through Robert Zimmerman: http://alifeamongthepages.wordpress.com/2014/02/11/newrelease-take-me-to-your-reader/

And I loved Loved LOVED this book. I really enjoyed this book as a whole and I can see myself reading its stories again and again. I will definitely be looking up some of the authors other works.

As there is eight stories I’m only going to write brief comments on each one.

“The Divided” by Amy Bartol (Premonition Series. ‘Under Different Stars’)

–> Death divided them. Will she survive his return?

I wanted this story to keep going. I could read a whole novel about Vi, Mattie, So-wah and Clyde, in fact I’d really like to.  In this brief snapshot of the characters’ lives we get intergalactic romance, revenge, action and a glimpse at what could be a much bigger story. You immediately feel for Violet; she’s a young woman with her whole life ahead of her but then her Violet finance is murdered and what follows his death introduces her to a whole other world. Five Stars out of Five.

“Monsters of Earth” by Tammy Blackwell (Timberwolves Series)

–> An intergalactic soldier is sent to Earth…

At the start you think you’re going to get some light-hearted monster slaying romp, but what you end up getting in this very short story is a lot of emotion and a monster that you really hope Helem can defeat. Four Stars out of Five.

“The House on Maple Street” by Amanda Havard (The Survivors Series and Immersedition)

–> It’s always the quiet kid who notices…

This was a nice light hearted boy finds aliens, boy outwits aliens and makes a new friend tail. You get nasty aliens, friendship, action and an average guy as the hero. I also think I would enjoy this story longer as well, maybe the aliens come back for revenge huh? I really enjoyed the Fenton and Travis dynamic, I think they could have some rather good adventures together. Four Stars out of Five.

“The Force” by Heather Hildenbrand (The Dirty Blood Series. The Imitation Series)

–> Spring Break…extra-terrestrial style!

I started reading this story and thought to myself this is sounding very much like that hangover movie but with teenage aliens instead of middle aged men. It got better as it went on and turned out to be about more than just waking up with a mate missing and not remembering what happened the night before. It’s not a bad story but the ending was a letdown for me, I would have liked the romance to build more between Axel and Becca and maybe even see him smuggling her back to his home land (but that’s just my personal taste) still a fun and entertaining read. Three Stars out of Five.

“Ultra-Con” by Tiffany King (The Saving Angels Series. ‘Miss Me Not.’ ‘No Attachments.’

–> Discover what happens when extra-terrestrial fantasy meets reality.

Ahh having your body taken over by an alien force was one of my recurring nightmares as a child. We get good aliens, bad aliens, action, danger and humans caught in-between it all. The story built nicely but then the final standoff seemed too rushed for my taste. Three stars out of Five.

“Snow Globe” by C.A. Kunz (The Childe Series. ‘The Modified.’ ‘One Tiny Secret.’ ‘Lucky Number Four’ {as Amanda Jason})

–> An alien-meets-girl kind of story.

I would have liked it to keep going, I want to know how Kyle goes fitting in on earth. A nice sweet little story about an alien boy finding happiness thanks to a human girl that will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy. Four stars out of Five.

“The Black Stone Heir” by Sarah M. Ross (The Patronus Series. ‘Inhale Exhale.’)

–> A dangerous close encounter will thrust them together.

This was a lovely well rounded story. We had action, adventure and romance. I really liked how the narration kept changing between the main two characters. It’s a loved each other from affair, unknowingly, and then coming together – Aww my favourite kind of love story. Four Stars out of Five

“The Ascendant” by Raine Thomas (Daughters of Saraquel Trilogy. Firstborn Trilogy. ‘Meant for Her.’ ‘For Everly.’)

–> A girl destined to rule worlds.

I NEED More!!!!!! Wow loved it. In this short story we get action, bad aliens and forbidden romance. I want a whole series of Kyr learning her lessons, coming across Ty each time and then finally how they continue their relationship once she takes on her destined responsibilities! Please give me more to read! Five Stars out of Five.

Oh man I have the biggest book hangover ever. I’m going back to the beginning and reading them all again. Bye now!

Undo

Today’s post asks us; if we could un-invent something, what would we choose? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

I’m looking at all the different things around me and I’m racking my brain. I can’t think of anything. I’m trying to think of an annoying game or something, but no, not even. Nothing much is annoying me at the moment. Computers and hi tech gadgets do annoy me, but I don’t want to live without them.

Money annoys me. Maybe if we still had a barter/ trade system in place (as well as our current paper system).

It’d be nice to grow some potatoes and swap some of them for pumpkins from one neighbour and for mangoes from another etc. Hmmm I need to go live in a farming community I think.

I always dreamed as a child of growing up and living on the land, I love to give my son that life. But living of the land isn’t what it used to be. It’s always been hard work, but these days in this current climate it’s near impossible.

But I digress; No there is not any invention I would un-invent, even if I crave a simpler life from time to time.

Post 49 of 365 Writing Post Prompts 2014 (M27)

Nightmares

I missed yesterday’s 365 post; its theme was “nightmares”. I’ve got two big ones that I thought I’d share anyway. Maybe if I write them out as I remember them, I might be able to forget them.

Since having my son I’ve had two Riley (my son) related nightmares that really freaked me out, enough that my husband had to wake me up because I was screaming in my sleep, enough that parts of them stuck in my head once I was fully awake and enough that I can’t forget them or the way they made me feel.

Werewolf Outbreak; the first dream I’m going to writing about. It happened when my son was still a newborn and It was like being stuck in a horror movie.  I can remember running from my husband carrying my newborn baby as had been bitten and was turning into a werewolf. My mother was killed, half eaten; it really fucks you up seeing your mother like that, even if it is imaginary. I found my dad and we were running. We returned to his house to get supplies. I can remember him telling me to hide in roof and being terrified! I was hiding in the roof trying to keep a newborn quiet as a werewolf smashed through the house and killed my father. I can remember being stuck up in the roof and realising my son was so quiet because he had died. That’s when my husband had to wake me up because I was screaming hysterically.

Yep! Pure horror movie shit. I don’t even think I’d been reading or watching anything at the time that could have triggered it. I lay awake the rest of the night horrified at my brains ability to scare the fuck out of me.

Where is the car; the second dream I’m going to write about is one I had last week, it’s all fragmented, almost like still images. Before I tell you about this dream that haunted me for days after and still horrifies and baffles me I’d like to note – I have never left a small child or animal in a car and I never will intentionally – but I always forget where I parked my car.

So I’m running late to a wedding. I can’t find a car park. I dump my car and run to the church. On the outside the church looks small. There’s a man standing the door I give my apologies for being late. I realise my sons not with me. I’ve left my baby boy in the car. I Panic. I Run and Run and Run. I can’t find my car. I can’t remember where I parked my car. I run back to the church and go inside to ask for help. Inside the church is massive, with rows and rows of people.  I’m ignored. I run searching, screaming for my car, willing it to be found. I see my car. My car is empty. I run back to the church. The weddings over. A nun is holding a dead baby. It’s my son.

Days and days I couldn’t get the images out of my head – WHY does my brain to this to me!! WHY!!

I’ve even tried to rationalise this dream. I’ve got two cousins getting married soon, so that’s where the wedding would have come from. Obviously like any parent it terrifies me to think of something bad every happening to my son. Maybe I’m afraid with so much going on at the moment that I could get so distracted and accidently leave my son in the car, I don’t even want to think about that. Normally I forget he’s not with me, I turn around to talk to him and he’s not there. AHHHHHHHHH Nightmares, yep and you can guess I was screaming with this dream to.

Quick! Ones escaped out the door!

This is a poem my friend Jody Gardam wrote about helping out at a friend’s farm.

It’s a beautiful poem, So Aussie, So Jody 🙂

With the sound of the generator and the pouring rain,

I forget the hard work that’s about to begin

I am mesmerized watching the work of the shearer,

Thinking about the end of the day getting nearer

Sweeping the floor, learning the way,

Hearing new words that the shearers say

Gather up the fleece, toss it in the air,

hopefully landing it on the table, it takes some flair!

Counting the sheep, hearing the lambs,

The smell of the lanoline on my hands.

Quick! Ones escaped out the door!

Have to go corner it, catch it and bring it back to the floor.

Only a few left now, about eight or nine,

Still laughing and joking with these friends of mine.

Wool in the bales, on the floor and in my hair,

Every place you look, there’s wool everywhere!

My first day as a roustabout was memorable and fun,

But thank God its home time now and the day is done!

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By Jody Gardam

Jody’s on twitter @ellymental80

Publishing Poetry

I’m in the process of putting together and publishing two poetry collections; one entitled The World Around Me and the other My Mind The Menace.

I haven’t been posting much poetry lately and the above is the reason. I’m writing this post to keep myself on track and hold myself accountable to this task. I haven’t managed to work on the project for the last two months, I’ve been flat out.  My son has started swimming lessons, going to day care and the older he gets the more of my time he needs, yeah I know excuses excuses, and really I’ve been spending any spare time reading. Like I said I’m writing this post and putting it out there so you can help keep me on track.

The World Around Me will be a collection of my poems about the things I Feel, See and Love.

My Mind The Menace Will be a collection of poems written in my darker moments (to remind us all that no emotion is permanent and moving forward is always possible).