- I’ve been trying so hard to go pain killer free, but my body continues to argue with me about it. Pain radiates from my lower back into the base of my skull and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve got an appointment with a Physio, so we’ll see what they say. I figured I should try and get back into yoga to stretch and strengthen my back. I had been going really well, off my Antidepressants and off painkillers, using only natural remedies. But earlier his week the darkness returned with the loss of our beloved Buster and set me back a bit. Interestingly enough the return of the darkness has coincided with my back flaring up again – hmmm linked much!
On Monday I had a really bad day; I felt absolutely useless, was in physical pain and spent most of the day crying or screaming at my husband. I had a horrible nightmare about my son dying the night before and it just shut me down. I had never felt true fear until I became a mother! My f*#ked up brain always takes me ‘there’, when I get the slightest bit down and then I feel the need to smother Riley with kisses. But I love my brain anyway; I wouldn’t be me without it.
I have been keeping up my essential oil routine of; Young Living “Joy” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my wrists in the morning and Young Living “Peace & Calming” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my writs at bed time along with Lavender on my temples and Progressence Phyto Plus on my feet.
I’ve also been taking quality supplements; a Multi Vitamin, Zinc, B2 in the morning and Magnesium at night before bed. I’ve have been sleeping better than I can ever remember. I’ve felt more alert and clear headed than I ever did on antidepressants. It’s only been this week that things have taken a turn, but I’m positive I can get on track, fix the physical issues and continue on with my journey to good overall health.
I recently read that Yoga means “Union” and as we all know it is supposed to bring the body, mind and spirit back into alignment. Sounds good huh? I’d love to get my shit together and be one with myself. I am definitely getting there; I’m much closer to feeling whole than I was a year and half ago, when I was at my worst. A Yoga Centre opened up a little while ago in the old library of my town. I was thinking it was a sign that I should get back into yoga (as well as my back being a little bitch). I haven’t been to a class or done any poses since before I was pregnant with Riley.
So back to the Yoga Union thing: Well, I’ve always been down with My Spirit, I love that girl. My Mind and I have had a rough relationship. It took me 27 years to love her, she caused my all sorts of pain until I could except and love her for who she is. We’ve been sweet for the past six months and it’s been really nice. But My Body, that bitch is causing me all sorts of pain at the moment. From about the age of eight I’ve hated her. Having my son forced me to appreciate and respect her. I am thankful for and love the things she’s given me, but not her – but I am working on that.
I have come to truly love the ‘me’ within and I am looking forward to the day I can love the outside ‘me’ and we can all salute the sun together.
Emotions
Major Life Overhaul Pt.2
Oils & Pain Relief: In my first Essential oils post on the 31st July I talked about starting my journey with oils to find natural remedies (focusing on Pain, Depression and Anxiety) and to create a happier and healthier home for myself and my family. I mentioned how I struggle with pain (headaches mostly) and at times find myself downing Panadeine Forte like tic tics.
I’m happy to say that over the month of August, my intake of painkillers has significantly decreased. There have only been a handful of nights when I haven’t been able to cope and have reached for the dreaded paracetamol or ibuprofen and only one night when I needed the Forte version. I’ve been rubbing young living’s Lavender oil (diluted) on my temples for the headaches as well as at night rubbing young living’s Peace & Calming oil blend behind my ears and on my wrists. On the really bad nights I’ve also been putting it on the souls of my feet and inhaling it from the open bottle for a few moments before laying down to sleep. Yesterday my young living home diffuser turned up so last night I only rubbed on the lavender, then defused the Peace & Calming through the air. It was extremely tranquil and I was having a lovely time drifting in and out of sleep at first, then my son decided he wanted to have a whinge and break the spell. Never the less my routine of young living’s Lavender and Peace & Calming has definitely had a positive impact of my night’s sleep. I’m falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer (unless my son has other plans).
Oils & Well-being: I’ve made the decision to go off my antidepressants, now this is not a decision I made lightly, my husband and I talked about it and he agreed. I’m rather fed up with the side effects and have lost faith in them. I’ve never really been keen on antidepressants as I fear putting such mind altering chemicals into my body, BUT there have been times in my life where I could not function without them. So I am in no way ‘anti’ antidepressants as we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. Over the years I’ve been on six different types and in the end I’ve gotten fed up with the side effects of all of them.
My last lot has been a twelve month block of them from suffering post-natal depression big time after my son was born. At the time I felt they helped, I mean Yes they did help as I was no longer was driving along imagining myself purposely swerving to hit an oncoming car or a passing street light. So yes they did their job and I felt ok again. BUT while those bad boys were making it so could function and even enjoy a relationship with my son, they were also making my brain fuzzy, wreaking havoc on my memory and killing my sex drive. It got to the point where I just wanted my husband to fuck off and not come near me at night because it wasn’t worth it. Fuck you antidepressants. I’ve had the same problem in various degrees with all the different types i’ve been on. Lack of the sexy time = number one killer of marriage and happiness, well I reckon as much.
It wasn’t until I stopped taking this last lot that I realised how much else of myself they had been blocking. I really feel that they were killing my creativity; I didn’t write nearly as much poetry or even that many blog posts (excluding book reviews) while I was on them and I didn’t do one single drawing or painting. Yeah fuck you antidepressants. Hey, if they work for you than that is great as I said – we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. So I’m running on empty at the moment and it’s not pretty, but I’m going to go back to the naturopath I saw when I was drug free and trying to fall pregnant with my son for help with a beneficial diet and herbal supplement regime to support my body and mental health. Also I will have to ramp up my physical activity to help combat the chemical loss. On the oil side I’m going to start using Young Living’s NingXia Red in the mornings & Progessence Phyto Plus before bed (Info & Links below) to help promote well-being and balance for my body. I’m going to cart around my bottle of young living’s Stress Relief essential oil blend to inhale (along with stopping and focusing on my breathing) to help calm me when I feel myself getting wound up (cause I go BANG like a firecracker when I’m unmediated, hell I can go BANG when I’m medicated to the max, I feisty).
So I’ll let you know how I’m going in a months’ time.
Product summary: NingXia Red combines the extraordinary wolfberry superfruit with 100 percent pure essential oils in a powerful, whole-body nutrient infusion. The benefits of the legendary Ningxia wolfberry have been sought after for centuries, and ongoing research continues to yield exciting, new health-supporting properties. Enjoy its naturally delicious flavour daily to sustain energy and to replenish key nutrients for long-lasting health and wellness support. — I was given samples of this when I signed up, not enough to judge the products benefits, but enough to know it’s tasty 🙂 — http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/wellness/antioxidant-support/new-ningxia-red
Product summary: Progessence Phyto Plus is a USP-grade wild yam extract infused with vitex and essential oils to help women find balance the way nature intended. Specially formulated by Gary Young, ND, and Dan Purser, MD, this essential oil-infused product enhances moisture absorption through the skin and contains pure frankincense, bergamot, and peppermint essential oils. The product’s clear bottle showcases the purity of this unique serum formulation. http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/progessence-phyto-plus-15ml
Info on Peace & Calming Essential Oil: http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/peace-calming-essential-oil
Devils Juice
(No this poem is not about me, It’s merely an observation!)
Decided on drinking rum
For as long as the bottle lasts
Regretting the decision
Fills up the next day
Head aching so hard
That all other thoughts gone away
Replaying the night over
Fragments are missing
My memory betrays me
How did I get these cuts on my feet
Oh the back door is broken
And now there is blood on the sheets
My tongue feels like sandpaper
And there is vomit on my shirt
God I wish the room would stop spinning
And my head didn’t hurt
I swear I’ll never touch that devils juice again
Oh who am I kidding
I am lying
And I am ashamed
Tonight I will do it all again
The world is too dark
And I’m afraid
It is too dark to be sober
So I will stay drunk and brave
Featured in my upcoming collection – The World Around Me
Out Now is >>>
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423080
Newcastle Poetry Prize
I’ve just finished reading the 2013 Newcastle Poetry Prize Anthology ”Now You Shall Know” to prepare myself to enter this years.
2013 was the 32nd consecutive year that the Newcastle Poetry Prize had run. In this Anthology is the 1st, 2nd & 3rd winners plus 24 other highly recommend other entries.
Obviously I preferred some poem suites over others, but it was an interesting and emotional collection by some of the best poets Australia has.
I’m definitely going to have to improve/ rethink/ try not to psych myself out before I enter this year.
>> to find out more on the Newcastle Poetry Prize >>
http://www.hunterwriterscentre.org/newcastle-poetry-prize.html
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21857902-now-you-shall-know
>> to buy a copy >>
Arms Around Me
My Mind the Menace a debut poetry collection by new to the publishing world poet Sarah Fairbairn. That’s Me That’s Me.
This is a collection from a darker period in Sarah’s life, a period she is happy to say she made it through. Here as a teaser is two poems from the collection available now at Smashwords.
Arms around me
I want to run and hide
Down deep inside
How happy I would be
You no longer poisoning my mind
Please set my soul free
I’d no longer need to lie
Without your arms around me
But I’m frozen in pain
Shame won’t let me leave
The failure I’ve become
Is unbecoming to me
You no longer by my side
I’d set my soul free
But with you till I die
I told you I would be
So here still I lie
With your arms around me
I feel the need to cry
But the tears won’t leave me
While you wallow in sorrow and self-pity
Why don’t you just leave me?
All the past tears we’ve cried
With your arms around me
I’m trying to figure out why
And if I should leave
But with you till I die
I told you I would be
So here still I lie
With your arms around me
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423080
About the Author That’s Me That’s Me.
When Sarah Fairbairn Isn’t at her day job, dancing around annoying the other employees at her family’s mechanical workshop, or running around and looking after her two boys, her Nine month old Son and her Husband, she locks herself away in her Bat Cave or rather Sac Cave, fully fitted out with an old lounge chair and dining table as a writing desk, typing out her blog posts, trying to get some reading done and or cruising the web. Her poetry is usually scribbled on bits of paper scattered over her work desk, car and handbag, as thoughts always strike her at the most inconvenient moments or when she is without her much loved tablet PC. She has been writing poetry since High School and has a passion for reading, although having a small child leaves her less time read these days as she would like.
Subscribe to Sarah’s Blog: http://www.sarahalison27.org
Follow Sarah on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@SarahAlison27
Friend Sarah on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SarahAlison27
Favourite Sarah at Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/sarahalison27
Connect with Sarah on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/SarahAlison27
Shame
My Mind the Menace a debut poetry collection by new to the publishing world poet ***ME*** Sarah Fairbairn.
This is a collection from a darker period in my life, a period I am happy to say I made it through. Here as a teaser is one of the poems from the collection available now at Smashwords.
Shame
You are self-scented
But self-sufficient you are not
Your arguments for your behaviour are rot
You will never grow up
You were not taught how
A responsible adult is all I ask for
All I get is a childish howl
You are never happy with what you’ve got
And some of what you think you’ve got
You have not
You lost my love
Betrayed by my fraying heart
From this life we started living
I did depart
I am not only to blame
Although I’ll take on all the shame
To washed up madness you have driven me
A life full of joy
You have not given me
To think I once thought you might be
The one who was meant for me
Seeds don’t sow with only neglect
I am sure one day you will reflect
And regret you did not look after me
Now watch me take away
What you thought was your happy
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423080
About the Author
When I’m not at my day job, dancing around annoying the other employees at my family’s mechanical workshop, or running around and looking after my two boys, my Nine month old Son and Husband, I lock myself away in my Bat Cave or rather Sac Cave, it’s fully fitted out with an old lounge chair and dining table as a writing desk, I’ll be typing out my blog posts, trying to get some reading done and or cruising the web. My poetry is usually scribbled on bits of paper scattered over my work desk, car and handbag, as thoughts always strike me at the most inconvenient moments or when I’m without my much loved tablet PC. I have been writing poetry since High School and have a passion for reading, although having a small child leaves me less time read these days as I would like.
Subscribe to My Blog: http://www.sarahalison27.org
Follow Me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/@SarahAlison27
Friend Me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SarahAlison27
Favourite Me at Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/sarahalison27
Connect with Me on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/SarahAlison27
Please child stop crying
This poem came to me this morning while I had a sooky, sleepy baby sitting in my lap, I thought you all might enjoy it.
Please child stop crying
Yes there is no denying
You’re in pain
Please child stop crying
Your tears are driving me insane
Please child stop crying
The way you are screaming
With your wet cheeks gleaming
The neighbours will think you’re dying
I keep and keep trying
To sooth and calm you
Please child stop crying
You’re making me cry to
Please kid I’ve only got 2 hands
And I’ve done all I can
And it’s really hard to think at 2am
Please child stop crying
Go to sleep
Come on there’s no harm in trying
Mummy will pass out on the floor and try to
The House of Hades (Heroes of Olympus)
The House of Hades (Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan
Goodreads Synopsis:
At the conclusion of The Mark of Athena, Annabeth and Percy tumble into a pit leading straight to the Underworld. The other five demigods have to put aside their grief and follow Percy’s instructions to find the mortal side of the Doors of Death. If they can fight their way through the Gaea’s forces, and Percy and Annabeth can survive the House of Hades, then the Seven will be able to seal the Doors both sides and prevent the giants from raising Gaea. But, Leo wonders, if the Doors are sealed, how will Percy and Annabeth be able to escape?
They have no choice. If the demigods don’t succeed, Gaea’s armies will never die. They have no time. In about a month, the Romans will march on Camp Half-Blood. The stakes are higher than ever in this adventure that dives into the depths of Tartarus.
My Thoughts as a Fangirl:
I LOOOOVED IT!!!! I finished reading this book a few days ago and haven’t been able to bring myself to review it. I don’t know how to do this book justice. This book is brilliant. Well done Mr Riordan, you are awesome. I was thrown into a state of emotional shock and haven’t been able to pick up another book and move on yet. In the Heroes of Olympus series this is the fourth book, but if you read the whole Percy Jackson Saga it’s the Ninth. Please Mr Riordan get that final book out as fast as you can, I NEED it. I think I’ll have to reread ‘house of hades’ a few times between now and August to hold myself together.
My Thoughts as an adult (with a son who will be introduced to these books when he is the right age):
Thank You. Thank you for giving us heroes who deserve to be heroes. Thank you for giving us heroes from different backgrounds. THANK YOU for giving us heroes who have been pigeonholed as naughty kids. Heroes that are dyslexic and have ADHD. And THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for giving us a homosexual male hero, who is uncomfortable in his own skin and who feels he doesn’t fit it or belong. If more authors were to slip these things into their books, hidden so well the way you have the world would be a better place.
The story was full of action, adventure, love and accepting the truth. Enemies had to come together and new friends were made. There was comic relief in the form of Bob the titan and Little Bob the cat, which was needed after the intense maturing all the characters go through. A definite pleaser for teen or adult. There were struggles overcome and every one of the heroes shined and came into their own. Riordan has given us heroes to be proud of, all with different talents, all using them working together for the greater good.
Five Stars. Bring on the final instalment!
You’re Awesome
Publishing Poetry
I’m in the process of putting together and publishing two poetry collections; one entitled The World Around Me and the other My Mind The Menace.
I haven’t been posting much poetry lately and the above is the reason. I’m writing this post to keep myself on track and hold myself accountable to this task. I haven’t managed to work on the project for the last two months, I’ve been flat out. My son has started swimming lessons, going to day care and the older he gets the more of my time he needs, yeah I know excuses excuses, and really I’ve been spending any spare time reading. Like I said I’m writing this post and putting it out there so you can help keep me on track.
The World Around Me will be a collection of my poems about the things I Feel, See and Love.
My Mind The Menace Will be a collection of poems written in my darker moments (to remind us all that no emotion is permanent and moving forward is always possible).
RIOT’S REDEMPTION 