My world has been shattered, I’m a Tiger not a Rabbit. My birthdays before Chinese New Year, I was born in their 86. I am going down to China Town with my mum and Riley on the train tomorrow, so this matter I will investigate further. Tomorrow will be my son Riley’s first train ride and first trip to Sydney – Wish me luck!!!
Humanoid ‘ish’
Here you will find ‘Life Update’ style posts and other random word vomit from my brain.
I Got Skills
Today’s post asks us if we could choose to be a master of any skill in the world, which skill would be pick?
I’d pick to be a Master Painter – I can see visions in my head, I can imagine the artworks I’d like to create, but I can’t get them out the way a skilled artist can.
Maybe you’re wondering what with me always writing about wanting to improve my writing why didn’t I go down that root for my master skill fix. But no, I’m confident that with A LOT of HARD WORK I can get myself to point where I’m happy with my writing.
There is no way I’ll ever be a great artist, I don’t have any skills to work with, none whatsoever, but that’s ok I can admire the world’s finest instead.
So yes my Magic Master Skill Fix, would be to be the most awesome painter the world has ever seen mwahahahahahahahaha oh wait that would mean I’ll end up insane and an alcoholic by forty and dead by forty five. Hmmmm So maybe I’d settle to just be a really good artist instead!
Post 22/365 (missed 4)
Sweet Sixteen
Today’s post asks us, when we were 16 what did we think our lives would look like? Does it look the way we imagined? And is that a good thing?
When I was sixteen my plan was to work till I was twenty saving enough money to get to Scotland, work there for a couple of years while exploring that part of the globe, come back and travel around Australia, then once I was about 25 go back home to the town I grew up in, open my own business and start to plan out the rest of my life.
My life to this point has been absolutely nothing like I wanted it to be, complete opposite. When I was sixteen I never intended to get married or have kids, I hated the idea of being so held down, I wanted to be free forever! I don’t feel like I get to have fun anymore and at sixteen all I was concerned with was having fun.
Sometimes I feel that my life has been a complete waste and all I’ve done is fuck one thing up after another.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being crushed by all the things I can’t do.
I feel like the real me is trapped inside. I feel like I live my life for everyone else and never for me.
And I long to have my dreams become a reality, but the older I get the less chance that they will ever come true.
I’ve always been a depressive person, all creative people are. But when I was younger I could look forward to the future, I had a plan to make myself happy and lead a fulfilling life, a plan I failed to follow through. Maybe once my sons an adult and out of the house I can stop pretending I’m a good person for his sake. I’ll probably be so angry and burnt out by that point (if I keep going the way I am) that I’ll just spend the remainder of my days stoned trying not to think about the fact I fucked up and missed my chance.
Now I Love my son and wouldn’t give him up for the world, but I wish my life leading up to him had been different. And I know I can do things to change my life and that nothing is set in stone, but having a child takes away freedom, because you always have someone else to think about. I can’t quit my job and run over seas with a kid, first up I’d get done with kidnapping for taking my son away from his father. Secondly I can’t even think about the financial insecurities of trying to change my non-existent career at this point. And third unfortunately I was raised to be responsible and compassionate so I can’t just burn everybody around me to get the things I want.
I’m getting off the point here: When I was 16 I thought my life would be filled with fun and adventure and I’d make my mark on the world. My current life doesn’t look anything like what I had imagined and wanted for myself and that’s a very bad thing because when I dwell on it (which I try not to) it makes my blood boil and my soul turn black.
Post 21/365 (missed 4)
Apply Yourself
Apply Yourself, haha, Ok Sarah sit down and write this post, you’ve been avoiding it by doing fun Riley related posts – Commit Damn it!!!
Today’s post asks to describe our last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to us.
FAR OUT! I don’t know when to start. Nothing really has ever come easy to me ‘’education’’ wise. Truth be told, I stuffed around at school!! Never gave a rats ass or really applied myself – AND I regret It majorly now!!! I still don’t know my times tables, can’t read an analogue watch or spell very well and my grammar skills suck – But I can recite nearly all the song lyrics in my mass collection of music. I’m going to learn how to tell the time and my times tables when I have to teach those things to Riley, We’ll learn together – I Hope – NO I WILL learn them, because I won’t be able to put it off any longer, I’ll have no choice, Riley can’t think he has a dumbass for a mother.
When I left school and got a Job/Traineeship I completed three administration type TAFE certificates at TAFE. I tried harder at TAFE because it was important for my Job and I was older and cared a little bit more. Later on I attempted to do the next level, a diploma by OTEN distance education. There was a five year or so gap when I hadn’t been doing any kind of study and I just couldn’t seem to pick it back up again, not sitting in my own home, with my short attention span and it was boring.
I tried again after that to do a creative writing course by correspondence. I thought maybe enjoying the topic might make it easier, but ended up pregnant for most of it, and I never managed to complete it!
So I failed twice at long distance education, it’s not for me, I need a classroom set up to learn at my optimum.
The nuts and bolts of being a Mother I found came easy, Feed Baby, Wash Baby, Change Baby, Love Baby and Play with Baby. I read a bunch of educational pregnancy and baby books while I was pregnant, but all that really ended up doing was overwhelming me and stressing me out. As of yet haven’t been able to learn how to manage all the new shit in my life with all the old shit and that causes me quite a bit of trouble.
I am stressed trying to write this post, I’m getting angry because on this topic words do not flow easy for me, I wonder if it shows in the writing. Riley is asking for my attention by slapping the keyboard whenever I try and type, so I’m going to go play and this will have to do for the day!
Post 19 of 365 (missed 4)
This Kid!!
So I’m sitting on the lounge, Riley’s playing happily and we get a knock at the door. I go and answer the door, it’s just some people picking up some of Riley’s things I’m giving away that he doesn’t need anymore. As I’m walking back into the living room Riley is staring me down, he continues to death stare me until I sit back on the lounge. Once I’m sitting down he goes back to playing happily. WTF! Mate, aren’t I ever aloud to leave the lounge – OK 🙂 Riley U convince your dad then.
Shining your light!
Sad but true – I find it easier to share my writing with strangers rather than family!
Sadly, this week I had news of another subscriber who has passed away. A wonderful lady who will be sadly missed by her family and I know I will miss her cheery letters as well as her submissions.
A member of her family rang to tell me and told me how surprised they’d been to find a hundred or more poems she’d written as well as copies of Positive Words. They didn’t know she’d been writing. I am sure they will enjoy reading them all but, sadly, won’t be able to tell her how much they enjoy them or how proud they are of her.
Many writers tell me their families are not interested in their work (some even quite scornful!!) and others keep their writing a secret thinking it’s not important.
Shine your light! Some will scorn but others will be amazed at your talent 🙂
Weekly Photo Challenge: Family
Even though i’m an only child, if you add up all my Aunties, Uncles and Cousins I have a fairly large family, but for this weeks photos i decided to go with a series of recent shots i took of My Dad, My Son & My Grandfather.
These photos were taken in one of my Grandfather’s bird aviaries (Both my Father and Grandfather breed Zebra Finches). This was the first time Riley had met his Great Grandfather as the last time i saw him i was still pregnant. It was Norm’s 87th birthday!! Riley wouldn’t cooperate in the photos and give me a smile, but they all seemed pretty impressed with each other :-).
Take Two
Today’s post asks up to run outside and take a picture of the first thing we see, then run back inside and take a picture of the second thing we see, then write about the connection between these two random objects, people, or scenes.
Ok so I didn’t run, when I run I tend to fall! But this is what I saw when I opened my front door:
My Car (and my dying front lawn) were the first things I noticed. My green Lancer wagon. My nice family friendly safe little Lancer wagon aka My G.L.W (green lancer wagon). Before I got the GLW for its baby carrying wagon benefits, I had a Commodore (aka the Bombodore). The Bombodore was actually a bigger, heavier and faster car then the GLW, but alas it was a sedan and a wagon is much easier to hall prams and things out of. The GLW uses half the fuel of the Bombodore because it’s got half the engine. I am really enjoying the ease of a wagon carting my son around, but when I’m driving ALONE I still yearn for the rear wheel drive Holden power that used to put me sideways when I’d take off too fast – ummm no I’ve never done that I swear – oh who am I kidding, I can be a typical Aussie who likes being a lead foot and a dickhead some of the time!
When I turned back around I saw my floor mat covered in dirty foot prints, making my think I needed to clean it. Second thing I saw was a display cabinet. I never realised my hall was so boring until I looked at this photo.
The cabinet is full of mementos from family trips, my wedding and trinkets my husband and I have collected over the years. The things that you can probably make out in the photograph inside the display cabinet are; the number plate off of my motor scooter which I kept when I sold the bike just before my son was born and one of my Astro Boy figures, I loved Astro Boy when I was younger and when I was four I named my first dog after him. Up on top of the display cabinet is evidence that I am a Harry Potter fan as I have a Dobby stuffed toy, two white owl statues representing Hedwig and a toy cat I made representing Crookshanks. Also up on top there are two photos from my wedding.
The connection between the two things – well they’re mine for a start, It’s my car and my display cabinet, one holds a lot of memories and the other has the ability to take me to places to make new memories.
Post 12/365 missed 3
Turn me into a curry
Sometimes when my sons sitting on my lap he stares into my eyes and it’s like he’s reading my soul – Other times I swear he’s thinking ”if I cut her up and put her in a curry she’d be delicious” then he’ll smile, slap me and bite my chin, which makes if perfectly obvious he wants to turn me into a curry!!
Teacher’s pet
Today’s post prompt asks us to write about a teacher who had a real impact on our lives, either for the better or the worse and how is your life different today because of him or her?
Haha well I could talk about my mum, she is a high school art teacher, oh wait WAS, its 2014 she’s now retired. So anyways she was a teacher and she’s taught me a hell of a lot over the years – but I think the prompt probably means more along the lines of your past school teachers.
So I’ll start off saying I didn’t really have any teachers that impacted badly on my life in the long run, although I’m sure I impacted badly on some of their lives.
There are a few teaches who stand out:
Primary School. My year 6 teacher Mrs Anderson, the first teacher I ever tried to behave for, first class I actually tried to learn in. She separated me from my friends and put me down the front of the class between Nick Redman and Guy Faseas, it was probably the smartest thing anybody had ever done. I already knew Cathie Anderson (now Cathie Black) before I had her as a teacher as she was and still is friends with my parents and grandparents. She’d known me my whole life and I cared about what she thought of me, I was probably still loud and un-agreeable some of the time, but I did try to behave for her! Well in my head I did, she might tell you a different story!
High School. I walked into Toronto High School with a bit of an attitude and walked out with a rather bad and major one, BUT most of the teachers I had there had a positive effect on me, I just had to grow up to understand their lessons.
Science became one of my favorite subjects. Now I was never a very good ‘learner’ at school, WAY! to easily distracted, but in my four years at Toronto I had two super awesome science teachers Mr Morgan and Mr Delbow (that’s not how he spells it I’m sure) who made learning science easier for me because they kept me captivated. I don’t really remember getting into much trouble in science class.
I loved music class, but that’s because it was always a bludge and the only class I got straight A’s in. Art class was also one of my favorites, even though I really liked my art teacher, it was more the subject matter that held me. I Hated Math!!! No teaches fault! Just F*#king hated having to think really hard on boring numbers LOL and now I’m an office clerk who works with numbers each day, oh what a world. Numbers and I became friends after I left school. Sorry I got a bit off track there.
Last but not least Mrs Ireland my Drama teacher, I’ve mentioned her before, she could always get me to behave. Everybody respected Mrs Ireland, she was a hard teacher, but a good one. It was Mrs Island who encouraged the angry loud mouthed fifteen year old Sarah to try reading. I had read as a child, school forced you to read and some of my fondest early child hood memories are of reading with my mum and my Nanma, but somewhere along the teenage path I’d lost that love. She helped me to find my love of reading again, which has no doubt improved my writing, spelling and concentrating abilities over the years.
Ok I’ll shop boring you with my ramblings now 🙂
Post 8/365 missed 1
RIOT’S REDEMPTION 