Life Lately

I haven’t had time to post much lately, things have been rather hectic.

I’ve lost many hours and been through a great deal of stress trying to get everything organised for my son to start day care next week. So I’m already upset at the fact that I’m losing my baby boy to strangers, then I get dicked around by the government over child care rebates – NOT HAPPY JAN!!! Anyway I got it all sorted today finally, but DAMN why does everything have to be so hard!

I’m constantly on edge at the moment and it’s really starting to get on top of me – I NEED A BREAK – but as a mum I’ll never get one again. Just when I think I’m at my lowest point, in the darkest frame of mind I’ve ever been in, I get lower and it gets darker, I’m swinging like a god damn chimpanzee.

I did have a high light on Tuesday, it was my son’s first swimming lesson. I was really nervous, but Riley seemed to have a good time. He loves the water, he was one of the few babies who didn’t cry. When he was supposed to be floating on his back he kicked his legs and when he was supposed to be kicking he was just staring at the ceiling or watching the other babies – Yep that’s my boy easily distracted and doesn’t do what he’s told (sounds just like me all the way through school).

Tomorrow is February first so I’m going to get back on the band wagon with the 365 post challenge, I haven’t managed to do it for a few days now.

Also tomorrow I’ll be attending a day course on creative writing run by the Hunter Writers Centre. Really the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is going to a course in town, I’d rather stay in bed for a month straight in a dark quiet cave, but I know I’ll enjoy myself one I get there. I hope! I’m going to have to try a shut the real world out for the day.

Reading books

As a generalisation I won’t read a series until it’s finished. I hate the waiting. I dread falling in love with a book and not being able to read it’s follow up straight away and having to wait another year or so. I’m rather impatient in all aspects of life actually, one of my major flaws, causes me all sorts of grief, but that’s a trillion different stories right there.

I purchased all of J K Rowling’s Harry Potter books at once, then read them back to back! I read all five of Douglas Adams’s HHGTTG in one go, all The Percy Jackson series, hunger games trilogy etc. I’ve got Shadows of The Realm and A Time of Darkness sitting on my book shelf and I’m waiting for Dionne Lister to publish the third instalment so I can sit down and read them all.

I know you’re thinking ummm you bought the whole series before reading the first book, what if you don’t like it? – In my defence, I read reviews to get a feel of the book and see whether I think I’m going to like it or not, I can’t just read for readings sake, it’s got to draw me in! Normally the first book will come out and I’d decide I wanted to read it, if I find out it’s a series I’ll note it down to keep track of it and wait for all the books to come out, then buy the first book, read it and see if I like it before buying the rest – but by waiting till they all are published I can go and buy the next one straight away, no anguish waiting.

Yeah, I should just learn to be patient hey!

My big problem with reading at the moment is my ‘want to read’ list keeps getting longer, my bank out keeps getting lower and I can’t seem to get much time to read, hmmm I’m wasting reading time right now!!

Night All.

Words in my way

So this is taking a trip into the past, here is a poem I wrote when I was Sixteen, far-out that was nearly eleven years ago 😦 anyways I must have been really messed up over something at the time hmmmmm.

 

Words in my way

 

It is a fact,   that,    I don’t know how to react

This world inside my head,     its wack

My heart speaks a language I can’t decode

Later on no one will care which path you choose

No one cares who you really are

Everybody hides their scars

No one cares what you’ve lost

No one cares what personal lines you’ve crossed

It’s like the people you love are saying

Does it matter that I don’t really need you

I’m sick of all this hurting in my head

I’m going to go hide in my bed

I have to admit I’ve had so much fun

Think I might look into a life on the run

Can the world please look at me for all I am

That’s impossible when I block my emotions like a dam

I’m sick of always caring about what people think about me

No one else seems to care what I think of thee

I’ve said too much but not nearly all that’s in my head

All these words in my way

Fears drive me forward every day.

Warning Body Wash & Baby

Goats milk

I have very sensitive skin and so have been playing it safe and just assuming my son also will have sensitive skin.

 

QV is one of the very few products that does not irritate my skin, so it’s all I’ve used on my son.

 

Recently I purchased a bottle of goats milk body wash as it was half the price of the QV and on the bottle states its ideal for sensitive skin. I’ve been using it in the shower to see if it affects my skin before I use it on my son, I’ve been using it for about two weeks now and I haven’t gotten any rashes or burns and my skins been ouch free – BUT yesterday I got some in my eye, it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever gotten in my eye, I liken it to the time I got a flying amber from a camp fire in my eye. It took a couple of hours before it stopped stinging. Thank god I hadn’t used it on my son first – it hurt my adult eye so much, imagine a little babies eye coping with it, makes my stomach churn. So only water and QV for my little prince (I’ve had it in my eyes and its fine).

So I’m just going to put it out there people if you buy a body wash or bubble bath for your kids, use it first and put some in your eye to be sure – lovely safe looking bottles can be deceiving.

 

Finished it!!

So I have finally finished typing up the big box of poetry that I’ve had piling up for the last ten years, oh boy that an emotional trip down memory lane it has been.

So to celebrate I thought I would share one with you all:

 

I can feel your warmth

I can feel your naked body pressed against mine

As I lose all sense of time

I feel your breath

And your lips

On the back of my neck

I turn to stroke your chest

But you’re not there

I’m alone in my bed

All these feelings are in my head

I long to feel your soft lips pressing against mine

Is loving you really such a crime

As the sunrise draws closer

I quickly try to regain my composure

If I was stronger I might be able to get some closure

But for now I’m just a prisoner of time

Going to work versus staying a stay at home mum

So I’m going back to work 4 half days a week now. It’s fairly flat out at work, so I guess I don’t get much time to feel sorry for myself and miss my son.

I would much rather be at home with my son and I would quit work altogether if we could afford it. I’ve loved the four months I’ve gotten to be a stay at home mum, getting to play with and watch my son grow, having seven days a week to get the house work done as appose to the two days I had when I was working full time. I refuse to go back to work full time, to hell with the consequences, even if it means we have to change our lifestyle, I just want to be with my son.

Just thought I’d add how I loathe house work, but I hate a messy house just as much, if I could just keep my husband out of the house then it would stay clean – hmmm I’m sure lots of women have this problem.

I did enjoy the time I had back at work this week tho – apart from the new guy – Now I sense that maybe he’s just trying to fit in and make everyone like him, perhaps, but he never shuts up, he chimes in on everyone’s conversations, drives me nuts.

When I first met him I wasn’t keen on him, but I said to myself give him the benefit of the doubt, you’re just being biased because you were so close to his predecessor. His predecessor and I used to spend our lunch times talking and whingeing about the world, kind of like what I do with this blog now. Ok so yes I am biased so I asked one of my workmates what he thought of the new bloke and he confirmed, no the new guy is a wanker and a pain in the arse – DAMN IT! Was hoping it was just me and I’d get over it.

Attempting to start a Blog

So this is me attempting to start a blog, why you ask, well because It’s seems like a good idea at this present time and I’ve been advised to do so – hey maybe it’ll even be therapeutic LOL.

So I went to a Publishing workshop Run by the Hunter Writers Center on the weekend.  I went because I thought it would be interesting and it was extremely so.  On the day the HWC had managed to get Mark Maclean, Dionne Lister & Christine Bruderlin to come and talk – all very knowledgeable and interesting people in their own right.

I already knew before, but Dionne’s advice confirmed it – I NEED to learn how to write better. Now I don’t mean so much on the creative side just yet, but on the nuts and bolts of writing (as in punctuation skills etc LOL) – so I’m going to have to look into that.

I’ve recently become a mum.  My little man turned a full four months old yesterday and oh wow how my life has changed – most of which for the better. I’m really really really not looking forward to trying to figure out how to work a 9-5 back into the mix though.

We had a fairly easy pregnancy, but the labour and his birth was anything but, I won’t go into details, but I think I will be mentally scared for the rest of my life. I’d go through the torment again for him (don’t think I’d do it for anyone else, so he might just stay an only child) but for him I would, he’s so amazing and awesome, I love this little man so much it hurts, I never thought I could love something so much, defiantly TRUE LOVE.

My son is nearly always with me so on the rare occasion he’s not, I always forget that he isn’t, as in; I’ll be talking to him and he’s not there, walking around to the other side of the car to get him out of his baby capsule (but he’s at home with his dad) or missing out on the few moments when I can turn my stereo up full-ball and make the whole car vibrate from the sub-woofer in the boot. That’s the one thing I’ve missed since having my son – I miss driving around with the music up as loud as I can before my ears feel like they’re going to pop. Now I’m not some little teenager, I’ve just got an addiction to LOUD music with lots of base. I’ve always been that way with music. I used to turn my stereo up so loud as a kid that the speakers would vibrate off of the shelves. I’ve always found music moves me in a way nothing else can, more like I can feel the music rather than hear it, but I think that’s just one of the awesome traits you get as an Aquarius.

Just thought of one other thing I miss LOL –  I quit smoking when a found out I was pregnant and have stayed off the smokes as I don’t want to do anything that could harm my son, but I was at a friend’s wedding recently and I was having my first real drink since I found out I was pregnant (Obviously I’m no longer breastfeeding) anyways so I’m drinking, it’s a wonderful wedding, Amy looked amazing, but my goodness there was a lot of smokers there – it made me crave one soooooo bad, but I was a good girl and held out. Not sure what the point of telling you that was LOL.

Not sure what’s the point of telling you any of this LOL oh wait that’s the point – there is no point – awesome, glad we cleared that up – have a nice day :-P.