My Son Riley when he was a day old.
My Mind The Menace:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423080
The world Around Me:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/443439
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.
With that in mind, I am going to suck it up and just post this video!
Arms Around Me
I want to run and hide
Down deep inside
How happy I would be
You no longer poisoning my mind
Please set my soul free
I’d no longer need to lie
Without your arms around me
But I’m frozen in pain
Shame won’t let me leave
The failure I’ve become
Is unbecoming to me
You no longer by my side
I’d set my soul free
But with you till I die
I told you I would be
So here still I lie
With your arms around me
I feel the need to cry
But the tears won’t leave me
While you wallow in sorrow and self-pity
Why don’t you just leave me?
All the past tears we’ve cried
With your arms around me
I’m trying to figure out why
And if I should leave
But with you till I die
I told you I would be
So here still I lie
With your arms around me
Lately I have felt like bursting into tears for no reason. I am exhausted and racked with anxiety but cannot figure out exactly why.
I hate feeling like this. It just sneaks up from nowhere. I can have been having a couple of really good days or even weeks. I start to think I’m finally get on top of things and then bam I’m knocked over by this darkness that just makes me feel useless.
For the last month, I have had the plan to start a YouTube channel where I would record my Poems and some shorter observation Just A Thought /Random Rants type posts as it’s easier to get someone to watch a short video link then read a link to a FB Note or Blog Post. I would also share the link to the video on my Social Media and Blog for the people who do read me already. So I have attempted to do my first video post multiple times and I’m always finding something wrong and deleting it rather than uploading it.
The sort of things I say to myself in my head as I am watching the videos back: You’re a retard. Fuck you look fat. You sound like an idiot. You stumbled over that word. It sounds shit. What the fuck are you doing? Why the fuck did you do that. You ruined it. God that wok eye is ugly.
Truth is most of the attempts I have deleted because the camera angle gave me a double chin or while I was talking my eye turned out and made me look disgusting.
One of my eyes turns out and I hate it. I delete so many selfies with my son, even though he looks totally cute, because my stupid ugly eye goes off on its own adventure without the rest of me. I’m left eye dominate, so my right eye wanders – but my right eye, that my brain chooses not to use has the better vision LOL good work there Brain!!!
Anyway I totally went off topic didn’t EYE 😛 Really it’s ok, I’m alive and I can see and that is the main thing!!! Nevertheless, when I am down in the dumps all the little things like that really get at me.
Anyway, I am going to attempt to get over this and move on with my plans for the channel, hopefully!
Also for the last couple of weeks, I have been trying to format my second poetry eBooks for publication. I managed to do my first one, but kept stuffing up the second. It shattered me. In the end, I gave in and paid someone to do it for me. I failed and I HATE that. I am so mad at my stupid ass self for not being able to do it. I really think this is what brought on my current funk. I have gotten the formatted files back and have uploaded them and now have two published poetry works, but failing at the formatting has made it a bitter win. I had to give up. I got so upset I almost chucked in the towel completely. I SHOULD have been able to do it.
But I feel I have dealt with the issues / problems I stated above and I still feel at unease. I still feel blue. Down. Low. Unfocused. The Harry Potter marathon and all popcorn in my cupboard hasn’t helped. Snuggles with my Son hasn’t helped. I’m just so fed up with myself.
Cold, rain and depressed laziness has stopped me from going out lately, but I’m determined to go for a walk tomorrow morning rain or not, as I need to get some happy hormones flowing or something.
Thanks for taking the time to listen (or rather read) to me whinge 🙂 it is much appreciated!
Link for my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxbj_XQuDb1VclqWh98g8cg/about
My Latest eBook The World Around Me; is a collection of poems in my randomly raw & unpolished poetry style about the things I See & Feel as I navigate this crazy thing called Life.
So grab a cuppa and take a look into my heart and mind if you dare >>
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/443439
I’m currently in the process of finalizing my second poetry eBook ‘The World Around Me’. I’m also in the process of creating a Tree Book that merges my two eBook collections together, but I’m struggling to come up with a name I’m happy with so that makes it a bit hard to go forward with any art work LOL. I will / must have these two books published before July, as In July I’ll be starting studying for a Certificate IV in Work Health and Safety and will be flat out trying to tackle that as fast as possible. Once I’ve got my WH&S certification I intend to focus on my fiction writing. I’ve got a whole world that has been floating around in my head since I was a little girl and I’m determined to get it out (or die trying). I’ve also got a short story and two flash fiction pieces that I really enjoyed writing and I want to see if I can extend them with the possibility of turning them into Novellas.
Yesterday I introduced Riley to his first Dandelion
When I first handed it to him to meet it
He quickly tried to eat it
Then crushed it in his hand and watched the fluff float away
Whenever I pass by a dandelion
The little girl inside me starts a crying
And I must pluck that dandelion and play
Make a wish and blow the fluff away
I always wish for the same thing
And my heart always sings as I watch the fluff float away
Next time you see a dandelion make sure you stop and greet it
Pick it up and meet it
Make a wish and watch your worries float away
A dandelion can grow just about anywhere they truly are a remarkable plant. Every part of the dandelion is useful: root, leaves and flower. It can be used for food, medicine and dye for colouring.
The dandelion is the only flower that represents the 3 celestial bodies of the sun, moon and stars. The yellow flower resembles the sun, the puff ball resembles the moon and the dispersing seeds resemble the stars.
I have updated the cover of my Poetry Collection “My Mind The Menace”, while the first cover I made looked brilliant up close on my computer screen, It really didn’t look that great as a thumbnail, which really is extremely important. So i’ve made a new one and uploaded it, Tell me what you think!
See the difference > > > 
Do You Dare to Take a Look Into My Mind!!!
$0.99 US @ Smashwords; can be downloaded as a epub, mobi, pdf, rtf, irf, pdb & txt (Now I know what the first three are and use them, but haven’t a clue what the other formats are for LOL)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423080
I’ve also now have “My Mind The Menace” on Amazon (Cover Made with KDP).
$0.99 US @ Amazon; can be downloaded straight from/ to your Kindle or Kindle app.
Here is a recap of the books I’ve managed to read and review so far this year 🙂
Books Read in 2014 =
January:
February:
March:
April:
I’ve just finished reading the 2013 Newcastle Poetry Prize Anthology ”Now You Shall Know” to prepare myself to enter this years.
2013 was the 32nd consecutive year that the Newcastle Poetry Prize had run. In this Anthology is the 1st, 2nd & 3rd winners plus 24 other highly recommend other entries.
Obviously I preferred some poem suites over others, but it was an interesting and emotional collection by some of the best poets Australia has.
I’m definitely going to have to improve/ rethink/ try not to psych myself out before I enter this year.
>> to find out more on the Newcastle Poetry Prize >>
http://www.hunterwriterscentre.org/newcastle-poetry-prize.html
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21857902-now-you-shall-know
>> to buy a copy >>
This is a post I wrote for Robert Zimmerman’s Authors We love Series:
Authors We Love: Sarah Fairbairn on T.S. Eliot
As soon as I read or hear the name T.S. Eliot my mind starts singing “Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity, for he’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity’’.
Ok so now I’m humming and bopping in my seat – Before we go any further I’m going to chuck some T.S. Eliot Quotes at you:
‘’Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things’’.
‘’Those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go’’.
‘’If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?’’
Now here are some base facts about the man that was: Thomas Stearns Eliot was born on the 26th of September 1888 and died on the 4th of January 1965. Thomas was an essayist, publisher, playwright, literary and social critic and one of the twentieth century’s major poets. He was born in St. Louis, Missouri in the United States but later he moved to the United Kingdom.
What he means to me: I have this little poem book by Thomas called Old Possum’s book of practical cats. Yes it’s a book of poems on cats. Yes CATS. I’ve had this book as long as I can remember, my mother used to read it to be before bed and now I read it to my son. My favourite poem of is – take a guess – YEP Macavity (I even have a musical version I put on and dance and sing around the kitchen to). Now I know he wrote a lot more variety and more meaningful works than Macavity, but it’s what connected be to him as a child. I can remember going to see the musical when I was younger with my parents and grandparents. The Christmas after we all had saw the musical I convinced my mum to buy my grandmother the CATS musical official CD collection and on Christmas day I danced around my grandmothers lounge room as she sang along.
I’m still signing in my head “You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square – but when a crime’s discovered, then Macavity’s not there!’’
Me: Sarah Fairbairn. I’m a full time Mum and Wife, a part time accounts admin clerk and a whenever I can blogger and poet. I’ve just published my First Poetry eBook My Mind The Menace and I have a second in progress.
You can connect with me at (I always like meeting and talking to new people):
My Blog: http://sarahalison27.org/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SarahAlison27
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahAlison27
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/SarahAlison27
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Click on this link below to view Robert Zimmerman’s Authors We love Series – it’s well worth taking a look, you’ll find a new favourite author or two:
http://alifeamongthepages.wordpress.com/special-eventsposts/authors-we-love/
My Attempt (Not as good as Robert’s, I think) But I had fun 🙂
Breathtaking the catastrophe is
Pleasant and alluring is the inferno paradiseFate craving streetwise witches classify mergers
Yearning the distinct Infamous Ruler shelters the disturbance notebookThe vaccine compensation is arousing
Almighty excuses howl and fluctuate
This month is flying by WAY too fast. As you know, I’m trying to spend the month reading and WRITING poetry since I haven’t done either much lately. Well, I have been reading some more poetry. The writing part of this plan is still not happening much.
At the beginning of the month, I was getting more active on Instagram (surprised me too) and found (/was found by) a poet, Nairy Fstukh, who shared a Tumblr page full of writing prompts from 2012’s National Poetry Month. I don’t find much from prompts that actually prompt me to write a good poem, but I wanted to give a few a try.
The other night, I picked one that seemed interesting. You’ll find that prompt and the poem I created from it, below. And if you’d like to find more on the poet who turned me onto this prompt site, you can…
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RIOT’S REDEMPTION 