Love

Weekly Writing Challenge: Golden Years

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In this week’s writing challenge we are being asked to explore what age means to us.

I always wanted to grow up, to be older. I looked forward to each birthday with great enthusiasm. I think the turning point was when I hit twenty four. As a teenager I’d told myself I’d get my shit together as an adult and it’d be awesome. When I turned twenty four I really struggled and had a life crises in my head, I tried to keep it to myself and not let on how much I was freaking out inside. At twenty four my life was nothing like I had planned! And I couldn’t handle that fact. I’ve always been obsessed with age and am terrified of death. Since having my son at twenty six, I got over my whole life not as I planned issues, because he’s better than anything I had planned. I have to remind myself daily that I’m not old. That I’m still young at twenty seven and can still accomplish all the things I want to. My dreams have changed since having my son and I really do think they changed for the better. Before having my son I dreamed constantly of being nineteen and carefree again! But I wouldn’t go back now. I really wish I could slow down time, so I could enjoy my current life and my son’s for two life times, because one will simply not be enough for all the love I have and all the things I want to do.

I guess age is just a number and it’s all about how you feel. Well some days I’m still that carefree nineteen year old. Some days I feel one hundred and some days I’m still a fucked up scared little fifteen year old who’s experiencing the real world for the first time.

I think I freak out the older I get because I’m pushing the risk factor, like every year I survive the universe is compounding more ways to take me out before I’m ready. I try to live my life with no regrets, because when I’m lying on my death bed at hopefully a ripe old age, I don’t want to be afraid, I want to say ‘’Yep I had a good time, I accomplished all I wanted and I’m reading for the party to end’’.

I am working towards my dreams and my goals. But just like telling myself every day I have time, I must tell myself to be patient because these things will not happen overnight.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/weekly-writing-challenge-golden-years/

Playlist of the week

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Playlist of the week. Post 66 of 365 post prompt 2014.

Today’s post asks us to write about how our week went putting together five songs that represent it.

Well I’ve decided I’d sum up an average seven day week in the life of me:

Manic Monday. Swimming Lesson. A hard day’s night. Money. Stuck in the middle with you. Family of noise. Stand by me.

MONDAY would be represented by The Bangles ‘Manic Monday’. It’s just another manic Monday. Everyone can relate, no one likes Mondays. Everyone still wishes it was Sunday ‘cause that’s our funday, when we don’t have to runday.

TUESDAY would be represented by The Eels ‘Swimming Lesson’. It’s a downer of a song and I’m only choosing it because of its title. I take my son to swimming lessons on Tuesdays.

WEDNESDAY would be represented by The Beatles ‘Hard Day’s Night’. Wednesday. Hump Day. Who doesn’t feel like they’ve been working like a dog!

THURSDAY would be represented by The Beatles ‘Money’. Thursday is payday. I want money, that’s what I want. Enough said.

FRIDAY would be represented by Stealers Wheel ‘Stuck in the Middle with You’. Because by Friday sometimes I do feel like there is clowns to the left of me jokers to the right.

SATURDAY would be represented by Adam Ant ‘Family Of Noise’. Saturday normally the three of us get to be together and go out and do something as a family. So I’m picking this song for its title, because with my son and I, we definitely are a Family of Noise.

SUNDAY would be represented by Ben E. King ‘Stand By Me’. Stand by me is one of my all-time favourite songs and it suits a loving, lazy, snuggly, family Sunday.

 

 

VIP

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VIP: Post 65 of 365 Post Prompts for 2014.

Hey, only 300 more to go LOL!

Today’s post asks us who is the most important person in our lives and how would our day-to-day existence be different without them.

Well that’s an easy question for me = My Son.

Riley and Me

Life without my son would be; quieter, cheaper, I’d get to sleep in, I’d have privacy and time to myself. But I wouldn’t have as much love or as many smiles. There would be a hole in my soul, so large I couldn’t control and I think my existence would fade away.

Places

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Places: Post 58 of 365 post prompts 2014 (M29)

Places: Today’s post asks us; Beach, Mountain, Forest, or somewhere else entirely?

The sweet delicious smell of white cedar trees fills the air and I see the beautiful trees everywhere with their delicate white, pink and purple flowers.

I’m standing out the front of my Grandparent’s onsite Caravan at Lostock Caravan Park, a place that fills a lot of my childhood memories.

There are beautiful green rolling hills all around me and I’m filled with a sense of love and happiness.

I can hear the rapids running, the cows mooing and life singing along.

As the day turns into night camp fires are lit and the air fills with another of my favourite smells.

I sit and warm myself. My soul is at peace. My soul is home.

Weekly Writing Challenge: Object

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As I look around my desk trying to decide on an object I pick up my thermos and have a drink.

My Thermos. I love my Thermos, so why not talk about it. It’s a shiny midnight blue steel 750 ml container – so it’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s functional. I was told when I bought it that it would give me 12 of heat and 24 hours of cold retention. I bought my thermos late last year at a 4wd, Fishing and Camping Expo that my husband, my baby son and I attended. There were a great number of things I would have liked to have purchased at that expo, but I was a good girl and only came away with the thermos (my husband did buy a bunch of other camping equipment).

I learnt the hard way with heat. I made a cup of coffee, poured it into my thermos and took it to work. After about two hours I gave up and tipped it into a regular mug so it would cool down enough so I could drink it. Now if I choose to put coffee in it I make it drinking temperature. Mainly though I just use my thermos as a drink bottle. I rarely manage to drink as much water as I should, but with the water being kept cold I end up drinking more, Yay!

Now just for fun – An ode to my Thermos:

Oh Thermos all shiny and blue

You keep my water cold

How much I love you

Your stainless steel construction

Makes you nice and tough

Which is a good thing because I’m careless

And your life is pretty rough

I fill you up with cold water

And toss you in the car

You bounce and roll all over the place

And it leaves not a dent or a scar

Oh my gosh your awesome

Oh how much I love you

I am so fortunate to have bought you

thermos

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/24/writing-challenge-object/

Publishing Poetry

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I’m in the process of putting together and publishing two poetry collections; one entitled The World Around Me and the other My Mind The Menace.

I haven’t been posting much poetry lately and the above is the reason. I’m writing this post to keep myself on track and hold myself accountable to this task. I haven’t managed to work on the project for the last two months, I’ve been flat out.  My son has started swimming lessons, going to day care and the older he gets the more of my time he needs, yeah I know excuses excuses, and really I’ve been spending any spare time reading. Like I said I’m writing this post and putting it out there so you can help keep me on track.

The World Around Me will be a collection of my poems about the things I Feel, See and Love.

My Mind The Menace Will be a collection of poems written in my darker moments (to remind us all that no emotion is permanent and moving forward is always possible).

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

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Post 41 of 365: Today’s post ask us to write about something we know we should do but don’t.

This is the first 365 Writing Prompt Post I’ve managed to do for February, so maybe I should say; I Should do my 365 daily post to stretch myself and improve my writing. In my defense I’ve just had way too much going on and my writing has taken a back seat.

There are endless things I should do but don’t:

  1. Exercise more – I don’t think I need to explain this one.
  2. Wash my dogs more often – Poor dirty doggies, I think the effort that has to go into washing Buster has something to do with it. Our three year old female wolfhound cross Ellie loves water, be it swimming or rolling in puddles, so washing her isn’t an issue. Our fourteen year old male wolfhound cross Buster on the other hand hates water. If you’re walking Buster past a body of water larger than a small puddle he will pull at full strength in the opposite direction to get away from it. At full strength Buster is stronger than me, regardless of his age he is a big strong dog, who has a wonderful temperament and is very loving, except when it comes to water. We have to tie him to the clothes line to wash him and you always end up tangled in the rope yourself. He will run around and around the clothes line until there is no rope left. He bucks and barks and really doesn’t enjoy it. He has gotten better as he’s gotten older, he’ll give up after a while on fighting getting washed now as long as he get heaps of tummy rubs during the event to keep him calm. Buster was already six years old when I first met him, as my husband already had him before we met. My husband purchased Buster from a mate’s farm when he was about two, he had been a working dog. Shane says that Buster has always been this way with water. I think that maybe as a young pup he might have nearly drowned in a dam or something.
  3. Try to Swear less – I’m fucking terrible, ask anyone who knows me personally not professionally. I do try and keep my language in check at work. If I’m with people I’m comfortable with or I get a few drinks into me or I hurt myself, then the ‘Bad Words’ come flying out.
  4. Put money aside for a raining day – My husband is a Spend Now Worry Later kind of person, it drives me nuts. Trying to get savings in the bank is nearly impossible these days, it’s always one thing after another. I have set my husband and myself some strict rules of late so we can attempt to rectify this one.
  5. Look after myself better – I don’t think I need to explain this one either. Most mothers put their own needs, health and wellbeing last, hell most women put their own needs last.
  6. Drive slower – Now I don’t fly around doing 100 in a 50 zone or anything and I DO slow down for school zones,  but If I’ve got to get from A to B I just want to get there immediately!! I don’t try to speed, but I do. I’m not going to give you a list of bullshit excuses. I know it’s bad. The end.
  7. Clean my car more often – It’s filthy. I love the way it looks with a freshly washed exterior and vacuumed interior, but I don’t love the having to do it part.

Ok so the list isn’t endless – These are the first things that popped into my mind.

My son is going to be an artist?

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I just finished cleaning up after my seven month old son Riley made me a finger painting, on the bathroom tiles, with his own spew.

I was in the bathroom and Riley was sitting on the floor next to me, right when I was unable to grab him he vomited (milk spit up) and proceeded to rub it around the tiles and make patterns. He made a rather large mess on the floor and was looking up at me smiling proudly.

He just frowned at me as I picked him up and moved him then continued to clean up his ‘art’.

Oh the Joy of Parenthood.

 

 

Learning to drive

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Memory: Learning to drive.

My father is a very calm man, but I’ve never seen him as stressed as when he was trying to teach me to drive.

He was in the process of fixing up an old Manuel Toyota Corolla for me, when I first got my learners licence. He had previously let me drive around in country paddocks in his 4WD Patrol. But after the first time we took his rather wide and powerful Nissan Patrol on the road he decided he was going to get me a small automatic car with power steering and he quickly sold the Corolla and got a Ford Laser. The Laser was immaculate once he was done fixing it up. I loved that Laser. It was nice and easy to drive.

I should add that my dad is a panel beater and this was back in the day when you could buy a write-off and repair it, which is exactly what he did with the Corolla and the Laser.

My dad refused to try and teach me to park, so he paid a driving instructor with a Toyota Rav4 to do that.

There was a time in-between him fixing up the laser that he took me for a lesson in my mother’s Holden Commodore, which for a 16 year old with not much driving experience was an army tank, big and powerful. I loved it. He gritted his teeth the entire time, I think it made him get the laser fixed quicker.

It was a fine day and we heated up to visit my grandfather at Kurri. A lot of the roads on the way the speed limit is 80/90, but I doubt I was going anywhere near that as it was one of my first times on the road. My dad would keep getting me to pull over to the side of the road so all the cars behind us could go past. I can remember on one of these pull out of the way stops, I was gliding to a nice smooth stop before a road marker and he was jumping up and down in his seat saying STOP! I was very cranky because I thought I did a beautiful smooth breaking job just like the paid driving instructor had been teaching me. I explained this to my father and his response was ‘’Break harder and faster when you’re in the car with me” The more I think about it, I think that was the only time he took me out in my mother’s car.

The difference between my mother and fathers teaching Technics where like night and day. My Dad would freak out and tell me to slow down and STOP!! and the radio was always off!! My Mum would sit in the passenger seat, relax and tune out to the music on the radio as I drove around collecting my minimum hours.

I would also like to point out I got my licence first go and scored 98% on my test, losing only two points for my reverse park (which is really amusing as I nearly always reverse into parking spots these days). So both my parents’ methods of teaching me to drive worked. The fella in the Rav4 paid off to, as neither of my parents had to try to teach me to park.

Life Lately

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I haven’t had time to post much lately, things have been rather hectic.

I’ve lost many hours and been through a great deal of stress trying to get everything organised for my son to start day care next week. So I’m already upset at the fact that I’m losing my baby boy to strangers, then I get dicked around by the government over child care rebates – NOT HAPPY JAN!!! Anyway I got it all sorted today finally, but DAMN why does everything have to be so hard!

I’m constantly on edge at the moment and it’s really starting to get on top of me – I NEED A BREAK – but as a mum I’ll never get one again. Just when I think I’m at my lowest point, in the darkest frame of mind I’ve ever been in, I get lower and it gets darker, I’m swinging like a god damn chimpanzee.

I did have a high light on Tuesday, it was my son’s first swimming lesson. I was really nervous, but Riley seemed to have a good time. He loves the water, he was one of the few babies who didn’t cry. When he was supposed to be floating on his back he kicked his legs and when he was supposed to be kicking he was just staring at the ceiling or watching the other babies – Yep that’s my boy easily distracted and doesn’t do what he’s told (sounds just like me all the way through school).

Tomorrow is February first so I’m going to get back on the band wagon with the 365 post challenge, I haven’t managed to do it for a few days now.

Also tomorrow I’ll be attending a day course on creative writing run by the Hunter Writers Centre. Really the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is going to a course in town, I’d rather stay in bed for a month straight in a dark quiet cave, but I know I’ll enjoy myself one I get there. I hope! I’m going to have to try a shut the real world out for the day.