Crying Babies

“Why is it that I am always the only one who hears our son crying in the night?” I ask for the millionth time.

I wake even when my son makes the slightest carry on, but my husband sleeps soundly on. Well he sleeps soundly on unless it’s the second time my son’s woken up during the night and I elbow my husband in the ribs until he wakes up, then inform him it’s his turn to check on the baby (I say baby even though he’s eighteen months old now and I’m not sure if he’s technically still a baby). To my husband’s credit, if I wake him and tell him to go check on our son, he normally does it with minimal grumbling.

It used to be that my son would wake up and just want a hug or bottle then be happy to go back to sleep, but in the last 6 months or so it’s been more like he’s having nightmares. You go in to check on him and he’s still asleep. It is rather disturbing seeing my baby boy tossing and turning, screaming with tears rolling out of closed eyes. Thankfully just picking him up or patting his back or tummy does the trick and he goes back in a calm sleep.

I remember reading somewhere that it’s hardwired into a woman’s brain to register those high pitched distressed tones of one’s offspring. But dang it, I tell you I’d like a night where I sleep through and my husband wakes up.

^ Riley awake and happy In his cot ^

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^ Shane, Riley and I ^

Siblings

To give Riley a sibling or not to give Riley a sibling – that is the question!

My husband Shane and I had decided that we would have one more. I’ve even been telling people when they ask “when’s the next one coming” that we be trying again next year after our Cape Trip in July/August. Riley would be just over two years old by that point, so he’d be somewhere over three by the time the second child came along.

I am an only child and I always dreamt of having a brother, but like a best mate brother. Initially after having Riley I was so traumatised, I was firm that I was NEVER HAVING ANYMORE. Once I managed to get over thinking that my body had failed me (36 hours of labour, 2 hours of pushing & then had to have an emergency C-section to get the stuck bugger out). It took me a good six months to get over it and realise, umm no your body didn’t fail you, look at that beautiful happy healthy baby boy, yeah your body made that, your body is an awesome miracle maker. From the moment I met Riley I knew he was worth it, but it took me that extra six months to realise I am strong enough to do it again. Women, we are so wonderfully awesome.

My dad comes from a large family and always wanted more than one kid, he’s often joked that he wants 6 -8 grandchildren, yeah not happening buddy. My mum thinks one is a good number, speaking from the experience of only having to cart me around traveling, camping etc.

We took Riley on his first camping trip over Easter and it all went wonderfully, but we’d majorly have to rethink our sleeping arguments and probably have to tow a trailer for all the a extra gear we’d need for two – but that’s minor stuff and I can figure that out when the time comes.

What’s really got me in a funk and has always worried me is Shane’s younger and only sibling Michael. The hell the two of them put their mother through infuriates me! I’m constantly saying to Shane “remember all that shit we went through during labour, feeding in the middle of the night, red bums and constant screaming, Yeah your mum did all that shit you”. When I was set firm on not having a second I made the joke “I got the Shane in Riley, the older brother, even though he can be winey and sooky, he’s mostly a calm happy baby and I don’t want the Michael, the second son, bonces of the walls, short temper, happy only when things go his way. Michael’s son is exactly like him, scares me. Hell I’m very much like him, I bounce of walls, I have a short temper, BUT I have more respect for others and I’d like to think I don’t always have to have things my way, but I’m sure others would say different.

So my husband and his brother don’t have a good relationship and that scares me. I don’t want to give Riley a little brother that’s going to drive him crazy all the time, I want to give him a best friend for life. I look at my cousins, the care and concern one of them has for his older brother. I was recently at one of my cousin’s weddings and the love between him and his little sister just melted me, made me go YES I must give Riley this. Then all this shit with Shane’s family flares up again. SO HELP ME what the fuck am I meant to do. I’m an only child I don’t get it!!! What makes you mates and what makes you enemies. Shane and Michael had separate rooms growing up, but shared a lot of similar interests, sailing, archery etc. My father shared a room with two of his brothers and they survived. My mum shared a room with her sister and I’ve never really heard stories of them fighting. Does the joint room thing make any difference? Riley and the new baby would have their own room. I like my own space so feel I should give them theirs.

I look at the bad times and go, hell no I don’t want this doubled, then I look at the good times and go, YES I want this doubled. But really what it boils down to is I want to give Riley the best life possible. I thought he needed siblings for that, that if I don’t give him a brother or sister he’ll be alone. But the bullshit between Shane and his brother makes me think otherwise 😦 Oh the dramas of a developed nation – Any who tell me your thoughts?

Who out there was an only child went and had siblings, would you suggest it?

Who out there had siblings that decided NO only to have one?

How did your siblings shape you?

How many Children have you got or are hoping to have and why?

Please child stop crying

This poem came to me this morning while I had a sooky, sleepy baby sitting in my lap, I thought you all might enjoy it.

Please child stop crying

Yes there is no denying

You’re in pain

Please child stop crying

Your tears are driving me insane

Please child stop crying

The way you are screaming

With your wet cheeks gleaming

The neighbours will think you’re dying

I keep and keep trying

To sooth and calm you

Please child stop crying

You’re making me cry to

Please kid I’ve only got 2 hands

And I’ve done all I can

And it’s really hard to think at 2am

Please child stop crying

Go to sleep

Come on there’s no harm in trying

Mummy will pass out on the floor and try to

My son is going to be an artist?

I just finished cleaning up after my seven month old son Riley made me a finger painting, on the bathroom tiles, with his own spew.

I was in the bathroom and Riley was sitting on the floor next to me, right when I was unable to grab him he vomited (milk spit up) and proceeded to rub it around the tiles and make patterns. He made a rather large mess on the floor and was looking up at me smiling proudly.

He just frowned at me as I picked him up and moved him then continued to clean up his ‘art’.

Oh the Joy of Parenthood.

 

 

Life Lately

I haven’t had time to post much lately, things have been rather hectic.

I’ve lost many hours and been through a great deal of stress trying to get everything organised for my son to start day care next week. So I’m already upset at the fact that I’m losing my baby boy to strangers, then I get dicked around by the government over child care rebates – NOT HAPPY JAN!!! Anyway I got it all sorted today finally, but DAMN why does everything have to be so hard!

I’m constantly on edge at the moment and it’s really starting to get on top of me – I NEED A BREAK – but as a mum I’ll never get one again. Just when I think I’m at my lowest point, in the darkest frame of mind I’ve ever been in, I get lower and it gets darker, I’m swinging like a god damn chimpanzee.

I did have a high light on Tuesday, it was my son’s first swimming lesson. I was really nervous, but Riley seemed to have a good time. He loves the water, he was one of the few babies who didn’t cry. When he was supposed to be floating on his back he kicked his legs and when he was supposed to be kicking he was just staring at the ceiling or watching the other babies – Yep that’s my boy easily distracted and doesn’t do what he’s told (sounds just like me all the way through school).

Tomorrow is February first so I’m going to get back on the band wagon with the 365 post challenge, I haven’t managed to do it for a few days now.

Also tomorrow I’ll be attending a day course on creative writing run by the Hunter Writers Centre. Really the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is going to a course in town, I’d rather stay in bed for a month straight in a dark quiet cave, but I know I’ll enjoy myself one I get there. I hope! I’m going to have to try a shut the real world out for the day.

Apply Yourself

Apply Yourself, haha, Ok Sarah sit down and write this post, you’ve been avoiding it by doing fun Riley related posts – Commit Damn it!!!

Today’s post asks to describe our last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to us.

FAR OUT! I don’t know when to start. Nothing really has ever come easy to me ‘’education’’ wise. Truth be told, I stuffed around at school!! Never gave a rats ass or really applied myself – AND I regret It majorly now!!! I still don’t know my times tables, can’t read an analogue watch or spell very well and my grammar skills suck – But I can recite nearly all the song lyrics in my mass collection of music. I’m going to learn how to tell the time and my times tables when I have to teach those things to Riley, We’ll learn together – I Hope – NO I WILL learn them, because I won’t be able to put it off any longer, I’ll have no choice, Riley can’t think he has a dumbass for a mother.

When I left school and got a Job/Traineeship I completed three administration type TAFE certificates at TAFE. I tried harder at TAFE because it was important for my Job and I was older and cared a little bit more. Later on I attempted to do the next level, a diploma by OTEN distance education. There was a five year or so gap when I hadn’t been doing any kind of study and I just couldn’t seem to pick it back up again, not sitting in my own home, with my short attention span and it was boring.

I tried again after that to do a creative writing course by correspondence. I thought maybe enjoying the topic might make it easier, but ended up pregnant for most of it, and I never managed to complete it!

So I failed twice at long distance education, it’s not for me, I need a classroom set up to learn at my optimum.

The nuts and bolts of being a Mother I found came easy, Feed Baby, Wash Baby, Change Baby, Love Baby and Play with Baby. I read a bunch of educational pregnancy and baby books while I was pregnant, but all that really ended up doing was overwhelming me and stressing me out. As of yet haven’t been able to learn how to manage all the new shit in my life with all the old shit and that causes me quite a bit of trouble.

I am stressed trying to write this post, I’m getting angry because on this topic words do not flow easy for me, I wonder if it shows in the writing. Riley is asking for my attention by slapping the keyboard whenever I try and type, so I’m going to go play and this will have to do for the day!

365daysofprompts Post 19 of 365 (missed 4)

 

Riley

A Poem to My Son.

The stars up above are shining bright, I will stay close by you till its light.

Though the daylight may lead me away, I’ll always come back, love works that way.

While you lay still and dream your dreams, Loves all around you, I’ll always be on your team.

How much I love, you’ll never know, but each and every day I’ll try to show.

A big strong boy into whom you shall grow, a long happy life you shall know.

Friends and adventures, you’ll have more than a few, awesomeness inside you I grew.

You’ll love Kittens, Rats, Puppies and Quails, in fact all animals, even the ones without a tail.

Trains, Planes, Cars and 4WD’s, you’ll use them all to travel wide.

No matter how far Riley you roam from home, you’ll always have love around you wherever you go.

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Family

Even though i’m an only child, if you add up all my Aunties, Uncles and Cousins I have a fairly large family, but for this weeks photos i decided to go with a series of recent shots i took of My Dad, My Son & My Grandfather.

These photos were taken in one of my Grandfather’s bird aviaries (Both my Father and Grandfather breed Zebra Finches). This was the first time Riley had met his Great Grandfather as the last time i saw him i was still pregnant. It was Norm’s 87th birthday!! Riley wouldn’t cooperate in the photos and give me a smile, but they all seemed pretty impressed with each other :-).

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Clean Slate

Today’s post asks us to explore the room we’re in as if we’re seeing it for the first time – What do we see? Who is the person who lives there?

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As I walk up to the door I can smell the scent of lavender, the kind of smoky lavender that comes from burning incense and I can see an old faded green fabric one seater lounge chair just inside the doorway. As I walk through the door I step on something hard, I look down to see a baby’s plastic rattle under my foot. There are a few baby toys strewn around the ground, obviously to keep a little someone occupied while a bigger someone is trying to use the room. The rooms one large window has its blinds drawn to the left side and the room is filled with bright sunlight. What the bigger someone would be using the room for becomes obvious once I see the big black desk under the window. Now this desk looks like it was probably an old rectangular dining table it’s so big. At the table is a computer chair. On the table is an open Laptop Computer and Tablet PC, multiple paper filing trays with bills and books, pen holders, an open daily planner, a large silver desk lamp as well as an empty oil burner and an incense holder with a extinguished incense cone in it. As I turn around to leave the room I realise there is a white built-in wardrobe that I didn’t notice as I walked in. I open the wardrobe and am immediately hit with a divine smell, I look up first and find a rather large supply of candles, incense and oils. There is also a collection of craft and painting supplies, some old work out equipment and a massive box full of aged by still in good condition Lego all stuffed in the little wardrobe.

Judging by the desk this is the home office of someone who likes a lot of space when they are working, I assume they have a baby and that the baby isn’t old enough for the Lego so it’s hidden away for once they are older. Maybe it’s ever the room’s owners Lego from when they were a kid and they intend to pass it on. They must like candles and incense and all things pretty smelling.

I look back around the room as I go to leave, It is a rather clean and tidy room, if you don’t count the few baby toys on the floor, everything on the desk is lined and grouped just so, it’s possible the owner of this room is a bit obsessive.

So the owner of this room is a slightly obsessive person, who likes space, who likes the air around them aromatised and who is a parent trying to keep their child occupied while they work.

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The room I wrote this in is my home office/ writing room.

365daysofprompts Post 13/365 missed 3