Dear Nutri Grain

Why must you be so heavenly delicious? I love your carb loaded sugary tastiness.

My husband likes to eat you for breakfast, but I find whenever I have you in the house I’m drawn to you, I’m compelled to eat you until there is nothing of you left. I’ll eat you for breakfast or a midmorning snack. I’ll feel like desert, oh we’ve run out of ice cream, well there’s Nutri-grain for that. I had you for dinner just the other night. Damn it I’m eating you right now. I’ve got no self-control and you, you evil bastard have no soul.

So stop being so tasty and filling my tummy with glee. God damn you Nutri-grain f*#k off and leave me.

Sincerely yours,

Your biggest fan.