Crying Babies

“Why is it that I am always the only one who hears our son crying in the night?” I ask for the millionth time.

I wake even when my son makes the slightest carry on, but my husband sleeps soundly on. Well he sleeps soundly on unless it’s the second time my son’s woken up during the night and I elbow my husband in the ribs until he wakes up, then inform him it’s his turn to check on the baby (I say baby even though he’s eighteen months old now and I’m not sure if he’s technically still a baby). To my husband’s credit, if I wake him and tell him to go check on our son, he normally does it with minimal grumbling.

It used to be that my son would wake up and just want a hug or bottle then be happy to go back to sleep, but in the last 6 months or so it’s been more like he’s having nightmares. You go in to check on him and he’s still asleep. It is rather disturbing seeing my baby boy tossing and turning, screaming with tears rolling out of closed eyes. Thankfully just picking him up or patting his back or tummy does the trick and he goes back in a calm sleep.

I remember reading somewhere that it’s hardwired into a woman’s brain to register those high pitched distressed tones of one’s offspring. But dang it, I tell you I’d like a night where I sleep through and my husband wakes up.

^ Riley awake and happy In his cot ^

10377537_1537532966502064_8067265542271322526_n

^ Shane, Riley and I ^

Potions, Pills and Nightmare Chills OH MY!

  • I’ve been trying so hard to go pain killer free, but my body continues to argue with me about it. Pain radiates from my lower back into the base of my skull and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve got an appointment with a Physio, so we’ll see what they say. I figured I should try and get back into yoga to stretch and strengthen my back. I had been going really well, off my Antidepressants and off painkillers, using only natural remedies. But earlier his week the darkness returned with the loss of our beloved Buster and set me back a bit. Interestingly enough the return of the darkness has coincided with my back flaring up again – hmmm linked much!

    On Monday I had a really bad day; I felt absolutely useless, was in physical pain and spent most of the day crying or screaming at my husband. I had a horrible nightmare about my son dying the night before and it just shut me down. I had never felt true fear until I became a mother! My f*#ked up brain always takes me ‘there’, when I get the slightest bit down and then I feel the need to smother Riley with kisses. But I love my brain anyway; I wouldn’t be me without it.

    I have been keeping up my essential oil routine of; Young Living “Joy” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my wrists in the morning and Young Living “Peace & Calming” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my writs at bed time along with Lavender on my temples and Progressence Phyto Plus on my feet.

    I’ve also been taking quality supplements; a Multi Vitamin, Zinc, B2 in the morning and Magnesium at night before bed. I’ve have been sleeping better than I can ever remember. I’ve felt more alert and clear headed than I ever did on antidepressants. It’s only been this week that things have taken a turn, but I’m positive I can get on track, fix the physical issues and continue on with my journey to good overall health.

    I recently read that Yoga means “Union” and as we all know it is supposed to bring the body, mind and spirit back into alignment. Sounds good huh? I’d love to get my shit together and be one with myself. I am definitely getting there; I’m much closer to feeling whole than I was a year and half ago, when I was at my worst. A Yoga Centre opened up a little while ago in the old library of my town. I was thinking it was a sign that I should get back into yoga (as well as my back being a little bitch). I haven’t been to a class or done any poses since before I was pregnant with Riley.

    So back to the Yoga Union thing: Well, I’ve always been down with My Spirit, I love that girl. My Mind and I have had a rough relationship. It took me 27 years to love her, she caused my all sorts of pain until I could except and love her for who she is. We’ve been sweet for the past six months and it’s been really nice. But My Body, that bitch is causing me all sorts of pain at the moment. From about the age of eight I’ve hated her. Having my son forced me to appreciate and respect her. I am thankful for and love the things she’s given me, but not her – but I am working on that.

    I have come to truly love the ‘me’ within and I am looking forward to the day I can love the outside ‘me’ and we can all salute the sun together.

Portacot from hell

Attempting to teach Riley to sleep in his portacot ready for camping at Easter. First attempt an hour of crying. Second attempt half an hour crying. Today about forty minuets. So hopefully by Easter he’ll be as comfortable in the portacot as his regular cot.

20140330-131132.jpg