Parenting
VIP
VIP: Post 65 of 365 Post Prompts for 2014.
Hey, only 300 more to go LOL!
Today’s post asks us who is the most important person in our lives and how would our day-to-day existence be different without them.
Well that’s an easy question for me = My Son.
Life without my son would be; quieter, cheaper, I’d get to sleep in, I’d have privacy and time to myself. But I wouldn’t have as much love or as many smiles. There would be a hole in my soul, so large I couldn’t control and I think my existence would fade away.
Publishing Poetry
I’m in the process of putting together and publishing two poetry collections; one entitled The World Around Me and the other My Mind The Menace.
I haven’t been posting much poetry lately and the above is the reason. I’m writing this post to keep myself on track and hold myself accountable to this task. I haven’t managed to work on the project for the last two months, I’ve been flat out. My son has started swimming lessons, going to day care and the older he gets the more of my time he needs, yeah I know excuses excuses, and really I’ve been spending any spare time reading. Like I said I’m writing this post and putting it out there so you can help keep me on track.
The World Around Me will be a collection of my poems about the things I Feel, See and Love.
My Mind The Menace Will be a collection of poems written in my darker moments (to remind us all that no emotion is permanent and moving forward is always possible).
My son is going to be an artist?
I just finished cleaning up after my seven month old son Riley made me a finger painting, on the bathroom tiles, with his own spew.
I was in the bathroom and Riley was sitting on the floor next to me, right when I was unable to grab him he vomited (milk spit up) and proceeded to rub it around the tiles and make patterns. He made a rather large mess on the floor and was looking up at me smiling proudly.
He just frowned at me as I picked him up and moved him then continued to clean up his ‘art’.
Oh the Joy of Parenthood.
Learning to drive
Memory: Learning to drive.
My father is a very calm man, but I’ve never seen him as stressed as when he was trying to teach me to drive.
He was in the process of fixing up an old Manuel Toyota Corolla for me, when I first got my learners licence. He had previously let me drive around in country paddocks in his 4WD Patrol. But after the first time we took his rather wide and powerful Nissan Patrol on the road he decided he was going to get me a small automatic car with power steering and he quickly sold the Corolla and got a Ford Laser. The Laser was immaculate once he was done fixing it up. I loved that Laser. It was nice and easy to drive.
I should add that my dad is a panel beater and this was back in the day when you could buy a write-off and repair it, which is exactly what he did with the Corolla and the Laser.
My dad refused to try and teach me to park, so he paid a driving instructor with a Toyota Rav4 to do that.
There was a time in-between him fixing up the laser that he took me for a lesson in my mother’s Holden Commodore, which for a 16 year old with not much driving experience was an army tank, big and powerful. I loved it. He gritted his teeth the entire time, I think it made him get the laser fixed quicker.
It was a fine day and we heated up to visit my grandfather at Kurri. A lot of the roads on the way the speed limit is 80/90, but I doubt I was going anywhere near that as it was one of my first times on the road. My dad would keep getting me to pull over to the side of the road so all the cars behind us could go past. I can remember on one of these pull out of the way stops, I was gliding to a nice smooth stop before a road marker and he was jumping up and down in his seat saying STOP! I was very cranky because I thought I did a beautiful smooth breaking job just like the paid driving instructor had been teaching me. I explained this to my father and his response was ‘’Break harder and faster when you’re in the car with me” The more I think about it, I think that was the only time he took me out in my mother’s car.
The difference between my mother and fathers teaching Technics where like night and day. My Dad would freak out and tell me to slow down and STOP!! and the radio was always off!! My Mum would sit in the passenger seat, relax and tune out to the music on the radio as I drove around collecting my minimum hours.
I would also like to point out I got my licence first go and scored 98% on my test, losing only two points for my reverse park (which is really amusing as I nearly always reverse into parking spots these days). So both my parents’ methods of teaching me to drive worked. The fella in the Rav4 paid off to, as neither of my parents had to try to teach me to park.
Life Lately
I haven’t had time to post much lately, things have been rather hectic.
I’ve lost many hours and been through a great deal of stress trying to get everything organised for my son to start day care next week. So I’m already upset at the fact that I’m losing my baby boy to strangers, then I get dicked around by the government over child care rebates – NOT HAPPY JAN!!! Anyway I got it all sorted today finally, but DAMN why does everything have to be so hard!
I’m constantly on edge at the moment and it’s really starting to get on top of me – I NEED A BREAK – but as a mum I’ll never get one again. Just when I think I’m at my lowest point, in the darkest frame of mind I’ve ever been in, I get lower and it gets darker, I’m swinging like a god damn chimpanzee.
I did have a high light on Tuesday, it was my son’s first swimming lesson. I was really nervous, but Riley seemed to have a good time. He loves the water, he was one of the few babies who didn’t cry. When he was supposed to be floating on his back he kicked his legs and when he was supposed to be kicking he was just staring at the ceiling or watching the other babies – Yep that’s my boy easily distracted and doesn’t do what he’s told (sounds just like me all the way through school).
Tomorrow is February first so I’m going to get back on the band wagon with the 365 post challenge, I haven’t managed to do it for a few days now.
Also tomorrow I’ll be attending a day course on creative writing run by the Hunter Writers Centre. Really the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is going to a course in town, I’d rather stay in bed for a month straight in a dark quiet cave, but I know I’ll enjoy myself one I get there. I hope! I’m going to have to try a shut the real world out for the day.
Growing up too fast!!
Tomorrow my little baby boy will be seven months old. Today he started to wear “Toddler” Nappies, yes my seven month old son is now wearing nappies for toddlers. Riley’s not a Fat baby if that’s what you’re thinking, No he’s just a big boy! Built like a rugby player, solid and strong. I’m rather upset about it, he’s growing too fast!!!! And also tomorrow I’ll be another year older! Yep I’d say I’m not going to have a good day tomorrow, but I’ll try to stay positive!
So on Friday Riley had his first Train ride and his first trip to Sydney. Everything went quite well and he was well behaved, be it quite noisy on the train trying to talk to everyone in his own way, but he seemed to enjoy himself. He was so tired from his Sydney adventure that he fell asleep on my lap while I was giving him his bottle, he hasn’t done that since he was about three months old. He was fast asleep in my arms, I managed to change his nappy and put him in his sleeping bag, then into his cot all without him waking up, yep he was exhausted, and it was wonderful.
Sweet Sixteen
Today’s post asks us, when we were 16 what did we think our lives would look like? Does it look the way we imagined? And is that a good thing?
When I was sixteen my plan was to work till I was twenty saving enough money to get to Scotland, work there for a couple of years while exploring that part of the globe, come back and travel around Australia, then once I was about 25 go back home to the town I grew up in, open my own business and start to plan out the rest of my life.
My life to this point has been absolutely nothing like I wanted it to be, complete opposite. When I was sixteen I never intended to get married or have kids, I hated the idea of being so held down, I wanted to be free forever! I don’t feel like I get to have fun anymore and at sixteen all I was concerned with was having fun.
Sometimes I feel that my life has been a complete waste and all I’ve done is fuck one thing up after another.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being crushed by all the things I can’t do.
I feel like the real me is trapped inside. I feel like I live my life for everyone else and never for me.
And I long to have my dreams become a reality, but the older I get the less chance that they will ever come true.
I’ve always been a depressive person, all creative people are. But when I was younger I could look forward to the future, I had a plan to make myself happy and lead a fulfilling life, a plan I failed to follow through. Maybe once my sons an adult and out of the house I can stop pretending I’m a good person for his sake. I’ll probably be so angry and burnt out by that point (if I keep going the way I am) that I’ll just spend the remainder of my days stoned trying not to think about the fact I fucked up and missed my chance.
Now I Love my son and wouldn’t give him up for the world, but I wish my life leading up to him had been different. And I know I can do things to change my life and that nothing is set in stone, but having a child takes away freedom, because you always have someone else to think about. I can’t quit my job and run over seas with a kid, first up I’d get done with kidnapping for taking my son away from his father. Secondly I can’t even think about the financial insecurities of trying to change my non-existent career at this point. And third unfortunately I was raised to be responsible and compassionate so I can’t just burn everybody around me to get the things I want.
I’m getting off the point here: When I was 16 I thought my life would be filled with fun and adventure and I’d make my mark on the world. My current life doesn’t look anything like what I had imagined and wanted for myself and that’s a very bad thing because when I dwell on it (which I try not to) it makes my blood boil and my soul turn black.
Post 21/365 (missed 4)
Apply Yourself
Apply Yourself, haha, Ok Sarah sit down and write this post, you’ve been avoiding it by doing fun Riley related posts – Commit Damn it!!!
Today’s post asks to describe our last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to us.
FAR OUT! I don’t know when to start. Nothing really has ever come easy to me ‘’education’’ wise. Truth be told, I stuffed around at school!! Never gave a rats ass or really applied myself – AND I regret It majorly now!!! I still don’t know my times tables, can’t read an analogue watch or spell very well and my grammar skills suck – But I can recite nearly all the song lyrics in my mass collection of music. I’m going to learn how to tell the time and my times tables when I have to teach those things to Riley, We’ll learn together – I Hope – NO I WILL learn them, because I won’t be able to put it off any longer, I’ll have no choice, Riley can’t think he has a dumbass for a mother.
When I left school and got a Job/Traineeship I completed three administration type TAFE certificates at TAFE. I tried harder at TAFE because it was important for my Job and I was older and cared a little bit more. Later on I attempted to do the next level, a diploma by OTEN distance education. There was a five year or so gap when I hadn’t been doing any kind of study and I just couldn’t seem to pick it back up again, not sitting in my own home, with my short attention span and it was boring.
I tried again after that to do a creative writing course by correspondence. I thought maybe enjoying the topic might make it easier, but ended up pregnant for most of it, and I never managed to complete it!
So I failed twice at long distance education, it’s not for me, I need a classroom set up to learn at my optimum.
The nuts and bolts of being a Mother I found came easy, Feed Baby, Wash Baby, Change Baby, Love Baby and Play with Baby. I read a bunch of educational pregnancy and baby books while I was pregnant, but all that really ended up doing was overwhelming me and stressing me out. As of yet haven’t been able to learn how to manage all the new shit in my life with all the old shit and that causes me quite a bit of trouble.
I am stressed trying to write this post, I’m getting angry because on this topic words do not flow easy for me, I wonder if it shows in the writing. Riley is asking for my attention by slapping the keyboard whenever I try and type, so I’m going to go play and this will have to do for the day!
Post 19 of 365 (missed 4)
This Kid!!
So I’m sitting on the lounge, Riley’s playing happily and we get a knock at the door. I go and answer the door, it’s just some people picking up some of Riley’s things I’m giving away that he doesn’t need anymore. As I’m walking back into the living room Riley is staring me down, he continues to death stare me until I sit back on the lounge. Once I’m sitting down he goes back to playing happily. WTF! Mate, aren’t I ever aloud to leave the lounge – OK 🙂 Riley U convince your dad then.
RIOT’S REDEMPTION 