antidepressants

I was Here by Gayle Forman

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18879761Synopsis

Cody and Meg were inseparable.

Two peas in a pod.

Until . . . they weren’t anymore.

When her best friend Meg drinks a bottle of industrial-strength cleaner alone in a motel room, Cody is understandably shocked and devastated. She and Meg shared everything—so how was there no warning? But when Cody travels to Meg’s college town to pack up the belongings left behind, she discovers that there’s a lot that Meg never told her. About her old roommates, the sort of people Cody never would have met in her dead-end small town in Washington. About Ben McAllister, the boy with a guitar and a sneer, who broke Meg’s heart. And about an encrypted computer file that Cody can’t open—until she does, and suddenly everything Cody thought she knew about her best friend’s death gets thrown into question.

I Was Here is Gayle Forman at her finest, a taut, emotional, and ultimately redemptive story about redefining the meaning of family and finding a way to move forward even in the face of unspeakable loss.

My Thoughts

I will just say that Gayle Forman is a phenomenal writer; this story flowed beautifully and was extremely easy to read. I received this free advance reading copy of ‘I Was Here’ thanks to Simon & Schuster Australia, with its official release being the 1st February.

…he has this expression on his face –it’s the particular contortion when fury meets guilt. And I know that look. I see it every day in the mirror.

Throughout this book we see Cody struggling to come to terms with the sudden and surprising suicide of her life long best friend Meg –Meg who she’d always held up on a pedestal –and struggling to come to terms with being left behind. Cody’s pain is natural and it feels real. Cody is wracked with the “it’s my fault” syndrome and is desperate to find someone to blame. In her effort to deal, she digs deep into the life that Meg tried to hide, enlisting the friends she meets along the way and uncovering some very disturbing truths.

To start off with we see Cody push everyone away. She is weak, scared, and a pretty crappy friend. But slowly we see her step out of her comfort zone and come to life with the determination (as she sees it) to avenge her fallen friend. We see Cody finally come to terms with Meg’s death and finally have the courage to forgive Meg and exonerate herself.

The romance between Cody and Ben is very cliché and unnecessary, but Cody’s love for Meg and her growing friendships with the other characters are more than strong enough to pull the story along.

Lastly we see Cody move on with her life, taking the lessons learnt with her.

I give it **** Four Stars (It’s quite a hard book to review as it’s a hard topic to deal with – I really don’t think my review has done the book justice).

Goodreadsauthors website

Potions, Pills and Nightmare Chills OH MY!

/ Absidity Art / 1 Comment
  • I’ve been trying so hard to go pain killer free, but my body continues to argue with me about it. Pain radiates from my lower back into the base of my skull and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve got an appointment with a Physio, so we’ll see what they say. I figured I should try and get back into yoga to stretch and strengthen my back. I had been going really well, off my Antidepressants and off painkillers, using only natural remedies. But earlier his week the darkness returned with the loss of our beloved Buster and set me back a bit. Interestingly enough the return of the darkness has coincided with my back flaring up again – hmmm linked much!

    On Monday I had a really bad day; I felt absolutely useless, was in physical pain and spent most of the day crying or screaming at my husband. I had a horrible nightmare about my son dying the night before and it just shut me down. I had never felt true fear until I became a mother! My f*#ked up brain always takes me ‘there’, when I get the slightest bit down and then I feel the need to smother Riley with kisses. But I love my brain anyway; I wouldn’t be me without it.

    I have been keeping up my essential oil routine of; Young Living “Joy” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my wrists in the morning and Young Living “Peace & Calming” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my writs at bed time along with Lavender on my temples and Progressence Phyto Plus on my feet.

    I’ve also been taking quality supplements; a Multi Vitamin, Zinc, B2 in the morning and Magnesium at night before bed. I’ve have been sleeping better than I can ever remember. I’ve felt more alert and clear headed than I ever did on antidepressants. It’s only been this week that things have taken a turn, but I’m positive I can get on track, fix the physical issues and continue on with my journey to good overall health.

    I recently read that Yoga means “Union” and as we all know it is supposed to bring the body, mind and spirit back into alignment. Sounds good huh? I’d love to get my shit together and be one with myself. I am definitely getting there; I’m much closer to feeling whole than I was a year and half ago, when I was at my worst. A Yoga Centre opened up a little while ago in the old library of my town. I was thinking it was a sign that I should get back into yoga (as well as my back being a little bitch). I haven’t been to a class or done any poses since before I was pregnant with Riley.

    So back to the Yoga Union thing: Well, I’ve always been down with My Spirit, I love that girl. My Mind and I have had a rough relationship. It took me 27 years to love her, she caused my all sorts of pain until I could except and love her for who she is. We’ve been sweet for the past six months and it’s been really nice. But My Body, that bitch is causing me all sorts of pain at the moment. From about the age of eight I’ve hated her. Having my son forced me to appreciate and respect her. I am thankful for and love the things she’s given me, but not her – but I am working on that.

    I have come to truly love the ‘me’ within and I am looking forward to the day I can love the outside ‘me’ and we can all salute the sun together.

Major Life Overhaul Pt.2

/ Absidity Art / 5 Comments

YLEOpicdeff

Oils & Pain Relief: In my first Essential oils post on the 31st July I talked about starting my journey with oils to find natural remedies (focusing on Pain, Depression and Anxiety) and to create a happier and healthier home for myself and my family. I mentioned how I struggle with pain (headaches mostly) and at times find myself downing Panadeine Forte like tic tics.

I’m happy to say that over the month of August, my intake of painkillers has significantly decreased. There have only been a handful of nights when I haven’t been able to cope and have reached for the dreaded paracetamol or ibuprofen and only one night when I needed the Forte version. I’ve been rubbing young living’s Lavender oil (diluted) on my temples for the headaches as well as at night rubbing young living’s Peace & Calming oil blend behind my ears and on my wrists. On the really bad nights I’ve also been putting it on the souls of my feet and inhaling it from the open bottle for a few moments before laying down to sleep. Yesterday my young living home diffuser turned up so last night I only rubbed on the lavender, then defused the Peace & Calming through the air. It was extremely tranquil and I was having a lovely time drifting in and out of sleep at first, then my son decided he wanted to have a whinge and break the spell. Never the less my routine of young living’s Lavender and Peace & Calming has definitely had a positive impact of my night’s sleep. I’m falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer (unless my son has other plans).

Oils & Well-being: I’ve made the decision to go off my antidepressants, now this is not a decision I made lightly, my husband and I talked about it and he agreed. I’m rather fed up with the side effects and have lost faith in them. I’ve never really been keen on antidepressants as I fear putting such mind altering chemicals into my body, BUT there have been times in my life where I could not function without them. So I am in no way ‘anti’ antidepressants as we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. Over the years I’ve been on six different types and in the end I’ve gotten fed up with the side effects of all of them.

My last lot has been a twelve month block of them from suffering post-natal depression big time after my son was born. At the time I felt they helped, I mean Yes they did help as I was no longer was driving along imagining myself purposely swerving to hit an oncoming car or a passing street light. So yes they did their job and I felt ok again. BUT while those bad boys were making it so could function and even enjoy a relationship with my son, they were also making my brain fuzzy, wreaking havoc on my memory and killing my sex drive. It got to the point where I just wanted my husband to fuck off and not come near me at night because it wasn’t worth it. Fuck you antidepressants. I’ve had the same problem in various degrees with all the different types i’ve been on. Lack of the sexy time = number one killer of marriage and happiness, well I reckon as much.

It wasn’t until I stopped taking this last lot that I realised how much else of myself they had been blocking. I really feel that they were killing my creativity; I didn’t write nearly as much poetry or even that many blog posts (excluding book reviews) while I was on them and I didn’t do one single drawing or painting. Yeah fuck you antidepressants. Hey, if they work for you than that is great as I said – we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. So I’m running on empty at the moment and it’s not pretty, but I’m going to go back to the naturopath I saw when I was drug free and trying to fall pregnant with my son for help with a beneficial diet and herbal supplement regime to support my body and mental health. Also I will have to ramp up my physical activity to help combat the chemical loss. On the oil side I’m going to start using Young Living’s NingXia Red in the mornings & Progessence Phyto Plus before bed (Info & Links below) to help promote well-being and balance for my body. I’m going to cart around my bottle of young living’s Stress Relief essential oil blend to inhale (along with stopping and focusing on my breathing) to help calm me when I feel myself getting wound up (cause I go BANG like a firecracker when I’m unmediated, hell I can go BANG when I’m medicated to the max, I feisty).

So I’ll let you know how I’m going in a months’ time.

ningared

Product summary: NingXia Red combines the extraordinary wolfberry superfruit with 100 percent pure essential oils in a powerful, whole-body nutrient infusion. The benefits of the legendary Ningxia wolfberry have been sought after for centuries, and ongoing research continues to yield exciting, new health-supporting properties. Enjoy its naturally delicious flavour daily to sustain energy and to replenish key nutrients for long-lasting health and wellness support. — I was given samples of this when I signed up, not enough to judge the products benefits, but enough to know it’s tasty 🙂 —  http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/wellness/antioxidant-support/new-ningxia-red

YLplus

Product summary: Progessence Phyto Plus is a USP-grade wild yam extract infused with vitex and essential oils to help women find balance the way nature intended. Specially formulated by Gary Young, ND, and Dan Purser, MD, this essential oil-infused product enhances moisture absorption through the skin and contains pure frankincense, bergamot, and peppermint essential oils. The product’s clear bottle showcases the purity of this unique serum formulation. http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/progessence-phyto-plus-15ml

Info on Peace & Calming Essential Oil: http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/peace-calming-essential-oil

 

yleo