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These Days

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Today is Photo Day at My son’s Day-Care center so I’ve dressed him up all spiffy in an adorable and highly appropriate yellow Little Monster t-shirt. Yes it will be interesting to see how dirty it is by the time they take his photo – I’ll let you know.

Riley’s newest obsession is shoes. If you leave a pair out he will slip his teeny tiny feet inside them and try to walk around, it is quite amusing to watch. He has also discovered throwing tantrums. The past two weeks I’ve gotten a tantrum every time I’ve tried to drop him off at Day-care, a tantrum every time I’ve taken something off him he isn’t supposed to play with (like his father’s work computer), tantrums when he wants to run off down the street and isn’t aloud, tantrums here tantrums there. Picture this; after a day a work you are having a glass of wine, while your toddler is trying to swipe your glass off of the table, you tell him No and hold the glass up in the air, he proceeds to throw himself on the ground and scream like a banshee – yeah I pretend he’s not there and finish my glass, her usually gives up after a while. I give him cuddles at Day-care and ignore the tantrums the rest of the time. I don’t know whether or not it’s the “right” way to handle it, but really I don’t care.

We’ve only got a few boxes left to unpack and we’ll be settled into our new home. You know the kind of boxes I mean, the ones where you stuff all the random stuff you don’t want to get rid of but have no place for – yeah four boxes of the left overs. I can’t bring myself to go through them so they are just sitting in the front room, I’m hoping if I leave them there long enough they will magically sort themselves out.

When we first moved in I planted a vertical herb garden in the backyard, shortly after our dog attacked and ate most of the said herb garden, so it has now been moved out the front to hide from her along with my Yakka’s and Native flowers.

In the rental property we lived in before we bought our house we never had a land line phone, just our mobiles (and mobile internet) but as we are now living in our own place we decided to get a land line Phone (mainly so we could get fast and reliable internet). I’ve only given the land line number to my mother as we don’t really intend on using it as a phone BUT the phone rings regularly – Dreaded Telemarketers.  I don’t answer our new phone.

Potions, Pills and Nightmare Chills OH MY!

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  • I’ve been trying so hard to go pain killer free, but my body continues to argue with me about it. Pain radiates from my lower back into the base of my skull and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve got an appointment with a Physio, so we’ll see what they say. I figured I should try and get back into yoga to stretch and strengthen my back. I had been going really well, off my Antidepressants and off painkillers, using only natural remedies. But earlier his week the darkness returned with the loss of our beloved Buster and set me back a bit. Interestingly enough the return of the darkness has coincided with my back flaring up again – hmmm linked much!

    On Monday I had a really bad day; I felt absolutely useless, was in physical pain and spent most of the day crying or screaming at my husband. I had a horrible nightmare about my son dying the night before and it just shut me down. I had never felt true fear until I became a mother! My f*#ked up brain always takes me ‘there’, when I get the slightest bit down and then I feel the need to smother Riley with kisses. But I love my brain anyway; I wouldn’t be me without it.

    I have been keeping up my essential oil routine of; Young Living “Joy” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my wrists in the morning and Young Living “Peace & Calming” Essential Oil blend rubbed on my writs at bed time along with Lavender on my temples and Progressence Phyto Plus on my feet.

    I’ve also been taking quality supplements; a Multi Vitamin, Zinc, B2 in the morning and Magnesium at night before bed. I’ve have been sleeping better than I can ever remember. I’ve felt more alert and clear headed than I ever did on antidepressants. It’s only been this week that things have taken a turn, but I’m positive I can get on track, fix the physical issues and continue on with my journey to good overall health.

    I recently read that Yoga means “Union” and as we all know it is supposed to bring the body, mind and spirit back into alignment. Sounds good huh? I’d love to get my shit together and be one with myself. I am definitely getting there; I’m much closer to feeling whole than I was a year and half ago, when I was at my worst. A Yoga Centre opened up a little while ago in the old library of my town. I was thinking it was a sign that I should get back into yoga (as well as my back being a little bitch). I haven’t been to a class or done any poses since before I was pregnant with Riley.

    So back to the Yoga Union thing: Well, I’ve always been down with My Spirit, I love that girl. My Mind and I have had a rough relationship. It took me 27 years to love her, she caused my all sorts of pain until I could except and love her for who she is. We’ve been sweet for the past six months and it’s been really nice. But My Body, that bitch is causing me all sorts of pain at the moment. From about the age of eight I’ve hated her. Having my son forced me to appreciate and respect her. I am thankful for and love the things she’s given me, but not her – but I am working on that.

    I have come to truly love the ‘me’ within and I am looking forward to the day I can love the outside ‘me’ and we can all salute the sun together.

Bittersweet

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We got the keys to our own real home last Wednesday and last Thursday I made my first trip to Bunnings as a homeowner. I picked up the few shower/plumbing items I needed and then made the mistake of walking past the tantalising display of light fittings and lamps on my way out. I was struggling. There was a beautiful $130 floor lamp I wanted, but did not need. I could not bring myself to walk away from the lamp. I bargained with myself that if I didn’t buy the lamp I could go and get a little plant instead. I managed to talk myself around and only left with the necessaries and a plant, and a pot for the plant and a little bag of potting mix. I’ve been back to Bunnings five times since then and I am now no longer allowed to go to a homemaker centre/ garden centre/ hardware store by myself.

We made the big move on the Saturday and had some wonderful friends and family help us get it all carted out by early afternoon.

Later on Saturday some ‘not funny at the time’ things happened. I was driving Shane’s Landcruiser from our ex-rental to our home, I jumped on the brakes like I would in my Lancer and nearly shit myself as it felt like the 4wd wasn’t going to stop (it did, eventually) – then I was driving Shane’s cousins Landcruiser and it broke down on me. Damn thing. So that then left me to drive the hire truck, ahhhhh, felt like I was driving a bus, but least it had good brakes and didn’t break down.

I lost my Buster boy on Monday. I haven’t told anyone other than my mum and grandmother until now and I’m tearing up as I write this. We had to put him down.

I’m so angry.

He was a fifteen-year-old wolfhound-X and a total sook. He had gotten crook in June and been on medication since. The poor boy was in constant pain. We had no choice, he was suffering. I will never forget him and I hurts that Riley didn’t get to have more time with him. I have cried and cried as a child wanting her best friend back. I’m so angry that there was nothing I could do. I feel I’ve let him down and I do not want to let him go. Buster didn’t even get to see our house.

Ellie our (four-year-old wolfhound-X) has been staying at my mother in-laws since the move, as we have had to put up a fence to keep her and Riley in. I cannot wait to get Ellie back so I can snuggle her endlessly and embrace the love and joy that she radiates. Dogs can bring so much light and love into our lives; it is just not fair that they don’t live as long as us.

So I’ve gotten Riley’s bedroom and bathroom set up, the rest of the House is still full of boxes, but the fence is up and Ellie is coming home tomorrow.

Lostocking Riley

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Riley Walk Retouched

Last weekend Riley went on his first adventure to Lostock.

His second ever camping trip.

Our second ever camping trip since he was born.

Our second time ever forgetting to take pillows.

I was extremely excited to take Riley to Lostock being that most of my fondest childhood memories involve the Lostock Dam Caravan Park and land that surrounds it. I always wanted to live at Lostock and still to this day dream about it. I’ve even published a poem about the place, In this place featured in The World Around Me eBook and In My Shoes & Under My Skin Tree Book both Published in 2014.

Lostock Dam is a fairly small dam on the Paterson River (approximately 93 kilometres north-west of Newcastle NSW Australia) The name of the dam originates from the village of Lostock, located approximately 2 kilometres downstream from the dam wall and then there is the Caravan park on higher ground at the face of the dam spillway, named Lostock Dam Caravan Park.

On Friday night the weather channel said that the forecast for Lostock over the weekend was rain, so we Umm’d and Ahh’d about tenting it in the Cruiser or staying in my grandparents on sight caravan. In the end we went with camping out of the Cruiser down with the Hector boys and their utes.

The weather stayed mostly clear until we finished setting up. On setting up camp we discovered that in our haste to leave and with all the Umming and Ahhing we had forgotten pillows and pots and pans (things we wouldn’t have needed if staying in the van).

In true Lostock style it was fine and then the clouds rolled in. Within a few minutes the heavens opened up a torrent on us, then about half an hour later it was all sunshine again. Riley toughed it out in his rain coat and gum boots, he wasn’t too keen on the coat but was very happy when the rain cleared and he found the puddles left behind. He had a grand old time wandering up and down stomping in all the puddles and loved having the freedom to roam around.

Riley Wet

A wet Riley in his Rain Coat & Gum Boots

Riley Touch

Riley meeting a puddle

Riley Splash Original

Riley stomping one way down the puddle

Riley Strut Original

then stomping the other way back

The simple things 🙂 :-).

Riley Relax

Riley chilled out and relaxing with his bottle

Cover Forest DK

The poem about lostock “In this place” features in this eBook

PreviewuNDERmYsKINF2

Also the poem about lostock “In this place” features in this Tree Book

Major Life Overhaul Pt.2

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YLEOpicdeff

Oils & Pain Relief: In my first Essential oils post on the 31st July I talked about starting my journey with oils to find natural remedies (focusing on Pain, Depression and Anxiety) and to create a happier and healthier home for myself and my family. I mentioned how I struggle with pain (headaches mostly) and at times find myself downing Panadeine Forte like tic tics.

I’m happy to say that over the month of August, my intake of painkillers has significantly decreased. There have only been a handful of nights when I haven’t been able to cope and have reached for the dreaded paracetamol or ibuprofen and only one night when I needed the Forte version. I’ve been rubbing young living’s Lavender oil (diluted) on my temples for the headaches as well as at night rubbing young living’s Peace & Calming oil blend behind my ears and on my wrists. On the really bad nights I’ve also been putting it on the souls of my feet and inhaling it from the open bottle for a few moments before laying down to sleep. Yesterday my young living home diffuser turned up so last night I only rubbed on the lavender, then defused the Peace & Calming through the air. It was extremely tranquil and I was having a lovely time drifting in and out of sleep at first, then my son decided he wanted to have a whinge and break the spell. Never the less my routine of young living’s Lavender and Peace & Calming has definitely had a positive impact of my night’s sleep. I’m falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer (unless my son has other plans).

Oils & Well-being: I’ve made the decision to go off my antidepressants, now this is not a decision I made lightly, my husband and I talked about it and he agreed. I’m rather fed up with the side effects and have lost faith in them. I’ve never really been keen on antidepressants as I fear putting such mind altering chemicals into my body, BUT there have been times in my life where I could not function without them. So I am in no way ‘anti’ antidepressants as we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. Over the years I’ve been on six different types and in the end I’ve gotten fed up with the side effects of all of them.

My last lot has been a twelve month block of them from suffering post-natal depression big time after my son was born. At the time I felt they helped, I mean Yes they did help as I was no longer was driving along imagining myself purposely swerving to hit an oncoming car or a passing street light. So yes they did their job and I felt ok again. BUT while those bad boys were making it so could function and even enjoy a relationship with my son, they were also making my brain fuzzy, wreaking havoc on my memory and killing my sex drive. It got to the point where I just wanted my husband to fuck off and not come near me at night because it wasn’t worth it. Fuck you antidepressants. I’ve had the same problem in various degrees with all the different types i’ve been on. Lack of the sexy time = number one killer of marriage and happiness, well I reckon as much.

It wasn’t until I stopped taking this last lot that I realised how much else of myself they had been blocking. I really feel that they were killing my creativity; I didn’t write nearly as much poetry or even that many blog posts (excluding book reviews) while I was on them and I didn’t do one single drawing or painting. Yeah fuck you antidepressants. Hey, if they work for you than that is great as I said – we do what we have to do to survive this bat shit crazy world we call home. So I’m running on empty at the moment and it’s not pretty, but I’m going to go back to the naturopath I saw when I was drug free and trying to fall pregnant with my son for help with a beneficial diet and herbal supplement regime to support my body and mental health. Also I will have to ramp up my physical activity to help combat the chemical loss. On the oil side I’m going to start using Young Living’s NingXia Red in the mornings & Progessence Phyto Plus before bed (Info & Links below) to help promote well-being and balance for my body. I’m going to cart around my bottle of young living’s Stress Relief essential oil blend to inhale (along with stopping and focusing on my breathing) to help calm me when I feel myself getting wound up (cause I go BANG like a firecracker when I’m unmediated, hell I can go BANG when I’m medicated to the max, I feisty).

So I’ll let you know how I’m going in a months’ time.

ningared

Product summary: NingXia Red combines the extraordinary wolfberry superfruit with 100 percent pure essential oils in a powerful, whole-body nutrient infusion. The benefits of the legendary Ningxia wolfberry have been sought after for centuries, and ongoing research continues to yield exciting, new health-supporting properties. Enjoy its naturally delicious flavour daily to sustain energy and to replenish key nutrients for long-lasting health and wellness support. — I was given samples of this when I signed up, not enough to judge the products benefits, but enough to know it’s tasty 🙂 —  http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/wellness/antioxidant-support/new-ningxia-red

YLplus

Product summary: Progessence Phyto Plus is a USP-grade wild yam extract infused with vitex and essential oils to help women find balance the way nature intended. Specially formulated by Gary Young, ND, and Dan Purser, MD, this essential oil-infused product enhances moisture absorption through the skin and contains pure frankincense, bergamot, and peppermint essential oils. The product’s clear bottle showcases the purity of this unique serum formulation. http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/progessence-phyto-plus-15ml

Info on Peace & Calming Essential Oil: http://www.youngliving.com/en_AU/products/essential-oils/blends/peace-calming-essential-oil

 

yleo

My Sanctuary

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Finally we’ve done it, we’ve bought our own home.
 
image (1)
The first time a saw the for sale sign I got tears in my eyes, I really did and do feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.

The last couple of weeks have been the most stressful of my life, most of you will know how stressful buying your first home can be. I was on my way to raid my Dads seaweed cracker box, when I Spotted a for sale sign out the front of a house just up from my Parents house. We hadn’t actually been planning to look at buying our own home until we came back from our outback 4wd adventure we have planned for next year, but when I spotted this house in the same street I grew up in, just up the street from my Parents place, my heart started doing all sorts of flips and I started dreaming about how wonderful it would be for my son to grow up in the same beautiful street where I did. I started having day dreams of Riley (a few years from now) walking down to Grandma and Grandad’s to raid the cookie jar (or seaweed crackers) and then returning home with Sassy in tow (Sassy is my parents dog).

Then the reality of buying a house set in and I started to freak. I was riddled with anxiety and was getting to the point of just saying no, lets forget about it, it’s too hard. Fear of the unknown has become a real problem with me since I became a mother, I don’t have the same to hell with the consequences, run flat out blindfolded attitude I used to.
 
But It’s going to be ours. I grew up at number 3 and will grow old at number 9. Since the loan was approved and the deposit was put down, all my unease and fear has gone away. After too many years of renting, living in no one’s home, I will have my own and I will be able to set my soul free. I will be able to fill this house with love for my son and make it my sanctuary.

Why Won’t It Do

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In this world I have everything

But it just won’t do

Always left wanting more

As desire tries to break down the door

I can be so materialistic at times

That it makes me sick

Actually sometimes it causes me to act like a dick

Always wanting

Only to want more

I get so cranky while waiting to score

I have everything I need

But it’s never enough

My life is filled with cuddles and love

But it always seems that it’s never enough

What on earth else is needed to fill the void?

I thought once my son was born it’d be destroyed

This hidden hungry monster that lives in my brain

Before she excited life was much simpler

And I was happy with plain

How do I satisfy her?

When she’s in a world with everything

But it won’t do

Not Giving Up

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So much pressure in my head
I feel so sleepy
and I miss my bed
I need a break to recharge my smile
Because I’ve lost it
It hasn’t be around for a while
These new drugs aren’t kicking in
My point of view is getting rather dim
I’m not sure which way is up
But it’s OK
I’m not giving up

 

Karma Knows the Truth

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Stirring shit

You better think quick

Before you get bit

And blown away

How sad your life must be

To spend your time causing so much misery

Spinning your lies until the world dissolves to grey

The people that you mess with

Can only take so much

It’ll be worse than a bull rush

When karma comes to your town

The pain and suffering you’ve caused

Will beat down your doors

And you will get what’s coming to do

No matter how much you try to explain

It’ll all be in vain

As karma knows the truth

The BIG Cook Up

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So the first weekly challenge of the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation is to do a MASSIVE cook up of some of the freezer friendly meals so when we are feeling lazy we’ve got a freezer full of meals ready so we are less temped to cheat with take-out etc.

So this weekend I’m going to set aside a couple of hours (yeah right it’ll probably take me all weekend) to prep, cook and package up meals to stock up my freezer with.

This is NECESSARY for my success as the only way I’ll eat properly and follow the plan is if it’s easy.

It was awesome when I first got home from the hospital with my son as my mum was making me freezer meals, so I was actually eating properly, because the only time I got to eat was zapping them in the microwave and whooshing them down before Riley woke up again.

I’d love to be able to afford something like Light & Easy home delivery or even better a personal chief LOL.

Anyway, so I’m going to attempt to cook up the following (list below) and hopefully the hubby will help me with the prep and cook. The meals are all less than 400cals per serve and I think I’m about to get a shock at how small the serves are.

# Baked Pasta with Sun-Dried Tomatoes, Spinach & Mozzarella

# Bean Nachos with Chilli Guacamole

# Broccoli & Zucchini Cheesy Bake

# Chicken, Pumpkin & Chickpea Korma

# Cottage Pie with Parmesan Potato Topping

# Cupcake Quiche

# Ricotta, Mushroom & Roasted Capsicum Cannelloni

# Spaghetti Bolognese with Lentils

# Spinach & Ricotta Cannelloni

# Not So Naughty Nachos

# Tuna & Vegie Lasagne